Alex's Little Heaven

Hello Blogspot!

2012-02-10T15:20:00.000-08:00

I'm back! After so many months for not updating my blog, I feel bad LOL. Had lots of up's and down's but hell, here I am doing just fine. Oh and yes, I'm officially single and available yet again. Things just won't work out well so yeah, it's better to go separate ways before it could go even worst. Speaking of the devil, Valentines' Day is just in another 3 days. Wow I'm sure it's gonna be one heck of a grand celebration for most loving couples. Been spending the special date alone like every year so yeah, no big deal. Maybe I'mma spend the date with Avril Lavigne LOL. She's coming to town on the 18th! How cool is that!

Alright time to go. It's a brand new day ahead. Take are y'all!

2011-09-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

OH MAN THIS IS SO GONNA BE AWESOME.

2011-08-12T09:08:00.001-07:00

十一年时尚的经验? SOWHAT. What's the big deal?

2011-06-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

Love this. Truly inspirational. The Script FTW.

2011-06-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

Nevermind. I'll find someone like you.

2011-05-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

Thanks to your cruelty, I'm starting to move on.

Don't feel the urge to explain. When I say it's over, I mean it.

2011-05-15T00:37:00.000-07:00

I hear your heart, cry for love. But you won’t let me make it right.
You were hurt, but I decided, that you were worth the fight.
Every night, you lock up. You won’t let me come inside.
But the look, in your eyes, says that I could turn the tide.

In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.

I can tell you can fit one more.

In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.
I don’t care who was there before.

I, hear your heart cry for love, then you act like there’s no room, room for me, or anyone.
"Don’t disturb" is all I see. Close the door, turn the key. On everything that we could be.
If loneliness would move out, I’d fill the vacancy.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart,

This ain’t the Heartbreak Hotel, even though I know it well.
Those no shows, they sure tell, In the way you hold yourself.
Don’t you fret, should you get, another cancellation.
Give me a chance I’d make a, permanent reservation.

In your heart, in your heart, in your heart, I can tell you can fit one more.
Open up make a brand new start, I don’t care who’s stayed before.

2011-05-11T02:20:00.000-07:00

Australia or UK?

Hmm... it's a tough decision.

Well yeah I've had one reason before to not leave but then since thats no longer a concern, I should just go on and make up my mind.

2011-05-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm here thinking back, sometimes I wish if things could go back to normal again.

How I wish if time could just rewind back to the day where we started.
How I wish if everything was okay and alright.
How I wish if I wasn't the one hurting you and you weren't the one killing me.
How I wish if I could take back my offensive words and you think before you make decisions.

I feel helpless sometimes. I feel like talking to someone to make myself feel better.

The pain is excruciating sometimes, but what more is there in my power for me to do? Perhaps time is the only medicine for me right now.

2011-04-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday's.

Nothing's left to mesmerize anymore.

I'm back to where I belong.

And I guess this is where I should belong.

L O V E ♥

2011-04-02T22:54:00.000-07:00

Baby, you know what? You're the sweetest and greatest thing that I ever had in my life.

Michelle, my baby girl. I love you. ♥

2011-03-17T01:33:00.001-07:00

Can't help it but to fall for you.

2011-01-01T05:36:00.001-08:00

You'll never enjoy your life.

Living inside the box.

You're so afraid of taking chances,
How you gonna reach the top?

2010-12-30T06:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the pain is excruciating. But what can I do. I've come too far to stop now. Gotta keep movin' until I reach the time of my life.

I ain't nobody's "quickie". Don't fuck with me. You have feelings, so am I. And I believe everyone has their own level of patience. So be cool and be nice. Don't you try going beyond my limit or else you'll suffer the consequences.

2010-11-30T02:11:00.000-08:00

Thanks truckloads to Janice, Derek and Miki for sharing this. You guys definitely made my day. Love y'all.

女生应该体谅男人的13件事

1：不要要求他太多，不要嫌他陪你的时间不够，如果你想将来与他执手偕老，就不要在乎现在的朝朝暮暮。细水长流是的爱情才是最真的。

2：不要嫌他唠叨，因为一个男生对一个女生唠叨，那说明他真得很在乎你，当他忙的时候尽量不去打扰他。

3：当他在msn上赶你下线的时候，要立即下线，因为他有可能在等着你的头像暗了证明你睡了的时候才下线睡觉。不要让他担心。

4：只对他一个男生说晚安（wan an），以为“晚安”的含义是：wo ai ni ai ni(我爱你，爱你)，对其他的男生说“好梦”或者其他的话。如果你喜欢他,就告诉他吧，即使他拒绝，并不丢面子，因为在他的心里，会因为你的真情而非常非常感激你。

5：如果他喜欢你，要明确告诉他你的感情，喜欢就是喜欢，不喜欢就是不喜欢。千万不要怕伤害他而犹豫不决地。不要让他脆弱地等待到最后受到抛弃，因为男孩子的心一旦碎了很难很难再好起。

6：男孩子也有自己的脾气，只是因为爱你而压抑，不要总是任性,有时他们的决定也很有道理。

7：男孩子莫名地向你发脾气，那是因为他爱你，把你当成最亲的。最贴心的,最有安全感的人，千万不要和他发脾气，静静地等着,等他消气后后悔地去抱你。

8：他为你准备的东西，即使再难看，再廉价，也要去珍惜。因为那里面融汇着他整晚的思绪。

9：相信他许愿给你多么多么美好的生活，要给他鼓励，因为你的鼓励会使他创造出奇迹。

10：不要总是和他联系，问他去哪里，告诉他注意安全，你会等着他就可以。

11：不要总说"我爱你"，他会半真半笑着说烦你，但不要不说，因为有时候，他们比女孩子更需要这句。

12：他为你掉眼泪了，那么他是真的非常非常地爱你！珍惜他的每一颗眼泪，不要道歉，不要安慰，握着他的手，默默地为他擦去泪滴。

13：要信任他，他爱你，就什么都不会骗你！即使真的有欺骗，也是为你们的爱情能够永远不离不弃！

2010-11-30T01:59:00.000-08:00

没关系

我们分了没关系
这不是你的问题
是我没那个福气
没福气却又爱上你
就算哭了没关系
这不是你的问题
痛痛快快给我一枪
我没关系

没关系

没关系

2010-10-30T10:24:00.001-07:00

We were as one babe,
for a moment in time.
And it seemed everlasting,
that you would always be mine.

Now you want to be free,
so I'm letting you fly.
Because I know in my heart babe,
our love will never die.

I ain't gonna cry,
and I won't beg you to stay.
If you're determined to leave girl,
I will not stand in your way.
But inevitably you'll be back again,
'cause you know in your heart babe.
Our love will never end.

You'll always be a part of me,
I'm a part of you indefinitely.
Girl don't you know you can't escape me,
darling 'cause you'll always be my baby.

And we'll linger on.
Time can't erase a feeling this strong,
no way you're never gonna shake me.

2010-09-16T03:28:00.001-07:00

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late,
could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?

Swear up and down to God above,
that you'd finally fall in love.

So do whatever it takes,
'cause you can't rewind a moment in this life.
Let nothing stand in your way,
'cause the hands of time are never on your side.

2010-09-06T04:47:00.001-07:00

Not Afraid lyrics

2010-09-06T04:36:00.000-07:00

All the crazy shit that I did,

that would be the best memories.

I just wanna let it go for the night,

that would be the best therapy for me.

2010-08-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

It's the elephant in the room,
and we pretend that we don't see it.
It's the avalanche that looms above our heads,
and we don't believe it.

Tryin' to be perfect,
tryin' not to let you down... oh.
Honesty is honestly,

the hardest thing for me right now... yeah.

While the floors underneath our feet are crumbling,
the walls we built together tumblin'.
I still stand here holdin' up the roof,
'cause it's easier than telling the truth.

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning,
and let the rain come in.
Stop pretending that it's not ending,
and let the end begin.

M.O.D.A

2010-07-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

Went to the M.O.D.A. Fashion Show at Pavilion on Tuesday with my college mates. Not much that I can say but... it was nothing but AWESOME. Love most of the designers' creations. And yes of course with good friends around, it made the trip an awesome one as well. We did took quite a couple of pictures. Good memories. :)

Carmen, me and Doris.

The tallest in class, Amy J. She's awesome, definitely.

The humourous Bruce and pretty Milky. :)

Janet's on the left, Phuna in yellow shirt and Bruce.

This will be my good buddies. Bruce in purple, Phuna in yellow, Mushie a.k.a. Marika in white, handsome Doris and Joy the cutie.

Ahh, this is my another pretty girl in our class, Shirley.

Oh... this. How should I introduce? Might as well call it the CFD1. Cha Ceai on the left, Chloe Cai Qin and my awesome queen Carmen.

Well, just look at Joy. Is she "handsome" or "cute"? I'd say, both. :D

This is NOT all in our class. Great friends makes great occasions. Starting from left will be Marika, Denise, Milky, Shirley, Bruce, Doris, Michelle, Alex (me, of course), Rino, Joy, Amy J., Janet and Phuna.

2010-06-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

So much happenings recently. Both happiness and disappointment. And I'm not letting myself down.

It's been such a long time now since I last blog. Wasn't really free back then, and won't be free in the coming months as well. SCREW ME. Assignments, shootings and things are starting to build up really fast.

Sometimes I feel like giving up myself. Feel like there's no meaning to all these shit. And why am I here doing complains anyway? NO. I still have tons of unsettle matters to deal with. I can't just let things go unanswered. I still have people that I haven't fuck them up. I still have things to do that will make my parents proud, especially my lovely grandma.

Though we never talk much but, you are still my grandma. All I know is that your used-to-be-delicious home-cooked food is not that tasty anymore; washroom is not that clean as before; dust are starting to leave marks on the floor, since you can't clean them very well now.

I don't know whether how long my grandma can hold on. And I do know soon that she will not longer be here with us. I have to admit now that I actually feel afraid that this day will come. Well, time flies isn't it? There's nothing like, forever ever written. I'm not quite the emotional kind of guy, but in truth I don't want you to leave me.

I'm not Buddha, yet I'm not Jesus. I can't control your time to be picked up. I know I can't help, but hopefully I have the courage and strength to face that day.

2010-05-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

你已经好久没有打电话给我，
甚至没有发短信给我，
我们，就这样了吧。

不再为你心动了。

距离拉长了思念，却阻隔了见面。
让你离我好远好远。

眼看着身边的人一个一个都有了轰轰烈烈，
我想，是该放下你了。

不要说我不甘寂寞，因为我已经寂寞了好久。
不要说我用情不专，因为你从来不属于我。
也不要说我轻言放弃，你甚至一个微小的回应都没给我.
那是因为爱，因为委屈，因为心痛…

不再留着你的短信不舍得删掉了。
不再一遍一遍的回看我们的聊天记录了。
不再眼巴巴的盯着手机期望你的电话了。
不再到处跟别人打听你的消息了。
不再向好友倾诉自己的心酸了。
因为倾诉过一次，已经代表，我决定放下你了。

你拨动了我的心弦，却不曾为我驻足。
当我以为你还在的时候，你已没有踪影。
当你回头找寻我的时候，我已开始寻找自己的天空。
亲爱的，我把最美好最美好的年华留给了你。

我，于你无愧。

亲爱的，我的青春有限，承担不起一生一世的等待。
亲爱的，让我骄傲一次，这次，是我不要你了。
我爱你的时候是真的爱你，我不爱你的时候是真的不爱你了。

等待不苦，苦的是，没有希望的等待。

如果乎远乎近的洒脱是你要的自由，那我宁愿回到自己一个人生。

我爱你，但，那只是曾经。

2010-03-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Love feels lost,
where is it to be found?

My heart is still here.
We have to go around and around.

In all the time,
I was loving you faithfully.
And you took my love,
And you turn around on me.

Now I don't wanna fight with you,
I got everything I can do.
Don't you leave me like that, I just want my girl back.
Let me work it out for it is over.

It's hard to let go.
Girl we went through so many things.
But for you to grow, have to go and spread your wings.
I see your tear, you searching for a pride of day.
You should have hold it through,
when you gave my love away.

Now I don't wanna fight with you,
I got everything I can do.
Had to leave it like that, but my thought I'mma back.
We tried to work it out,
but it's over.

What are we doing?
What can we see to work it out?
What are we doing?
Can we forget what love was about?
Feels like I'm losing, when it was everything to me.
And now I realize,
we're just better not together.

Girl, it's just too much for me to say,
you were to tell me that you love me.
And then to watch you walk away.
But girl the way you fight,
it's just the way.
That's way it's better this way.
No, what else to say?

2010-03-22T01:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, I had enough! After all these while, I have finally realized that sometimes in life, being a nice guy, I mean like, "too nice" guy is bad. There's certain people that they know you are treating them really good, they'll start to take advantage of you. Only by then, you can't help it but to assist them in whatever way you think could be useful to them 'cause you've already get used to it.

I know it now. I really do. This is the third time I got played. THIS SHIT ENDS NOW. UPSET on these people who doesn't appreciate you for what you've done for them. I'm not saying that being helpful is bad. IT IS a good thing. But those who are helped SHOULD know that they would not overdo people who are helping them. FUCK IT.

That's it. There are times back then when I thought I would be happy with you. IT'S CLEAR NOW. I will not give a damn anymore because I DON'T WANT TO. It hurts. SCREW ME? FUCK YOU.

2010-03-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

Man, so much happenings in these while. This just sucks. But SHIT. Gotta stand up and walk again. I ain't gonna give up that easily. NO WAY. Projects, assignments, events and shits. Stand aside yo! XD

2010-03-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

難過,

是因為悶了很久,
是因為想了太多.

是心理起了作用.

在一起有點勉強,
該不該現在休了我?

不想太多,
我想一定是我,
聽錯弄錯搞錯.

拜託...

其實我早已經猜透看透不想多說,
只是我怕眼淚撐不住.

我不想拆穿你.

當作是你開的玩笑,
想通卻又再考倒我.

說散你想很久了吧?

我的認真敗給你的黑色幽默.

Bigger than my body.

2010-02-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

Yes I'm grounded,
got my wings clipped.

I'm surrounded,
by all this pavement.

Guess I'll circle.

While I'm waiting,
for my fuse to dry.

2010-01-20T22:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up.
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough.
How come we don't say I love you enough?
'Til it's too late. It's not too late.

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come.
And we could make a feast from these crumbs.
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun.
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done?

And if your plane fell out of the skies,
who would you call with your last goodbye?
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives.
And when we long for absolution, there will be no one on the line.

2010-01-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

LOL. Don't know what should I write for now. It's been weeks since I last wrote on my blog.

LG = Life's Good
For me, of course. x)

2010

2009-12-31T22:33:00.001-08:00

Had an awesome night of BBQ gathering party with my secondary mates. With such awesome friends and awesome food, it definitely made this new year an awesome one too!

Welcome, 2010! My greetings to the rest of all my other buddies too!

p.s. Girl, thanks for being with me that night too. ;)

2009-12-24T19:25:00.000-08:00

I had fun during my birthday. There's much people and friends that I want to thank. And it's even much to write them all down now. You know who you are.

Thank you for remembering me.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for being with me.
Thank you for celebrating with me.

So much thank you's.

THANK YOU. :)

2009-12-18T05:04:00.000-08:00

It wasn't a great trip, after all.

Not that I'm saying I didn't enjoyed myself but, I broke my right arm.

But with you and your concern, I can still touch the sky.

If we crawl 'til we can walk again.
Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump.
Then we'll fly until there is no wind.

I'm crawling back to love. :)

2009-12-14T04:50:00.000-08:00

Things just won't go the way we want, isn't it?

I'm alright. Just upset, very upset right now.

I'm also a human being, OKAY!?

I have feelings. I ain't no robotic sucker. Don't treat me as some kind of Transformers.

You know what? If you're seeing this right now, I just wanna tell you that I'm starting to hate you. Really.

Hate you for being ruthless to me. Hate you for being rude to me. Hate you for not being understanding. Hate you for not being looking in the point of my view in things.

2009-12-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

I'm so gonna miss you, Sara.

Take care and be cautious on whatever you do.

Hope to hear from you soon and don't forget to buy souvenirs for me!

XD

2009-12-09T04:35:00.001-08:00

Hard day, really, hard day.

It was so unexpected and kind of rough.

Denise, hopefully you'll recover soon enough. You have your caring parents and we as your lovely friends. No worries. Get well soon.

And my car! Freak! Front bumper's almost fell off. But I guess it's worth it, though. Well, not really "worth it" but I think it's okay. No sweat. Perhaps what Joy and Phuna said is true then. I did an awesome and holy job today, kind of like "saving" her. But I don't know. I'm not really looking for a good deed that's gonna happen to me real soon just because I helped her in her situation.

I'm just gonna be myself, not as what Joy said that I'll soon have a good deed come to me. Feels great though, helping others. I'm not expecting something good from her but, yeah I'm glad she's doing okay now.
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Somehow, some of my girlfriends heard what happened and they asked if I'm having a crush on that girl, Denise. Are we an item now? Are you kidding me, seriously? The answer is no. I'm making this very clear, right here right now. They were like, "You seem very worried for her, are you guys just normal friends or beyond that?" And I was like, "Hell, she's just my course mate. I'm worried because I worried her as in a friends' way. No more than that. And you know I always treat y'all the same too, don't ever forget that."

I've been that kind of situation before. And I know exactly how does it feels. This sort of fainting and collapsing, hell I know how is it. My case was worst back then. I happened to have fainted in the LRT. But I'm alright now. Been following professionals' advices, finalf*ckingly I'm alright now.

Thanks to all of you. For taking care of me, advising me, lecturing me, be there for me, and all sort of stuff. Really, my sincere appreciation goes to you all. For believing in me that I could always pick myself up even though sad things happened.
Thank you. I'm so freaking fine now.

Jesse and Phoebe, I love both of you. BFFs and ever, babes!

:D

2009-12-07T16:05:00.001-08:00

30 Seconds To Mars - Kings And Queens

2009-12-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

Into the night,
desperate and broken.
The sound of a fight,
Father has spoken.

Into your lives,
hopeless and taken.
We stole our new lives,
through blood and pain.

In defense of our dreams.

The age of man is over.
A darkness comes and all.
These lessons that we learned here,
have only just begun.

We were the Kings and Queens of promise!
We were the victims of ourselves!
Maybe the children of a lesser God,
between Heaven and Hell.

2009-11-29T00:40:00.000-08:00

Lost my pendrive for the second time now.

Dammit.

2009-11-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

I thought you won't feel a thing or two?
For that, I'm truly sorry.
But, just be happy. Don't look for me anymore.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"I saw a mutton cross the street."
LOL! How funny is that! xD

2009-11-20T03:12:00.000-08:00

Oh, how 'bout a round of applause?
Standing ovation?

You look so dumb right now.
Trying to apologize?
You're so ugly when you cry.
Please, just cut it out.

Talking about "Boy, I love you."
"You're the one."
This just looks like a rerun.
Please, what else is on?

Oh, and the award for the best liar goes to you.
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me.
Let's hear your speech out.

But you put on quite a show, really had me going.
But now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing.
That was quite a show, very entertaining.
But it's over now.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Don't tell me sorry 'cause you're not.
And baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught.

I'm done with you, bitch.
Get the f*ck out from my sight.
You started this out, you end it like this.
Don't ever come begging to me that you are sorry.

No more.

2009-11-19T04:04:00.001-08:00

Alex Wong is a fan of

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2009-11-14T18:30:00.000-08:00

"Chiong" mode will be activated in around 4 hours soon. Last day to rush all of my assignments. RAWR!

M-IFW Gala Night '09

2009-11-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

My, my... what a night! So much fun and exciting plus craziness all in one-day package. xD

Totally awesome! By the way, Pawwen and Doris' new hairstyles are way too cool.

*Photos are here! Check them out.* :D

And who the freak took my USB cable for my Canon 1000D without notifying me? I just realized that my USB cable went M.I.A. Lol.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

2009-11-05T03:46:00.000-08:00

I got all the right friends and all the right moves at the right place.

Thank God for that. Thank you so much.

Nothing's gonna let me down this time. I swear to God.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

No offence to everybody and anybody, but personally I do not think that this Namewee guy totally hate all the Malays. It's their bitchy attitude and the government that he's aiming for. True, why are there not even simple notifications to the public? People could've been doing their works and revision of studies. Everybody in Muar have their lives there. TNB (Tenaga Nasional Berhad) is under the government, right? Seriously, I don't think that it's "that" hard to inform the public that there'll be a technical problem with the electriciy. I don't care if it's the f*cking breakdown or shutdown either.

This is entirely not about the Malays or their religion or whatsoever. It's so obvious that he's pointing out of these people's bitchy attitude and their ways of handling things. Now, let's just say in the video that what had happened in my point of view.

For example, Namewee called the Muar TNB for like, what? 10 - 20 times but yet there's nobody answering him. Second, the Malay guy said what? "Ini bukan shutdown, ini breakdown. You kena faham, breakdown shutdown lain." Oh my goodness, can somebody tell me why is that even important? The problem is not either the f*cking breakdown or shutdown! Inform la, c'mon! Just a very simple notification to the public is not that hard. Third, the other Malay guys came into the office and said he's "kacau" (disturb) them? In my opinion, I swear everybody are as pissed off as Namewee too. 3 breakdown / shutdown of electricity in just a year? Without any notice? What the hell is this? Fourth, Namewee wanted to make a complain and asked them who to go to. One of them said, what? "Nak cari pergi JB la." and another one said "nak cari pergi KL la." And the guy sitting on the chair told him to go for the head at some street but when Namewee asked for his address, that guy didn't know? Or what? He don't want to give? Oh my God, seriously! This is their f*cking attitude! Not even being responsible for things that had happened. Fifth, a security guy came in and said to him that he's disturbing the whole TNB officers and wants to "shoo" him off? C'mon, just because he's lecturing some of the Malay guys there with a slightly high tone doesn't mean disturbing, okay!?

I'm not being racist or what but, this videoclip is not about the Malays and their religion. It's their attitude and the government. I believe there are much more people out there, either the Indians, Chinese or even, Malays themselves are mad for something similiar to this incident. No offence to everybody and anybody, that this is just merely my personal view on the incident.

2009-11-02T04:25:00.000-08:00

"Report unusual behaviour."

"Barricade your homes."

"Avoid all contacts with infected individuals."

"Wait for official instructions."

"Heh, wait my ass."

"Kill all sons of bitches, that's my official instructions."

"I have not come this far to die now."

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Me and Pawwen.
Notice what is written on my shirt. xD
Michelle and Doris. :D
I've uploaded this at your request. Cheers!Candy, CK and me. CK's playing the so-called "worm game" on the laptop. Looks fun, though. :D

2009-10-30T07:48:00.001-07:00

Coolest MV ever! Wicked beats!

"Life is simple now. They just have to do what I say."

Never felt so great before. Thank you.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Don't stop, make it pop.
DJ, blow my speakers up!
Tonight Imma fight,
'til we see the sunlight.
Tick tock on the clock,
but the party don't stop!

Let It Rock!

2009-10-29T04:58:00.000-07:00

I see your dirty face.
High behind your collar.
What is done in vain.
Truth is hard to swallow.
So you pray to God.
Justify the way you live a lie, live a lie, live a lie.
And you take your time.
And you do your crime.
Well you made your bed.
I’m in mine.

Now the son’s discrashed.
He, who knew his father.
When he cursed his name.
Turned, and chased the dollar.
But it broke his heart.
So he stuck his middle finger.
To the world!
To the world!
To the world!
And you take your time.
And you stand in line.
Well you’ll get what’s yours.
I got mine.

Because when I arrive.
I bring the fire.
Make you come alive.
I can take you higher.
What is this, forgot?
I must now remind you.
Let It Rock.
Let It Rock.
Let It Rock.

Random-ness.

2009-10-27T04:04:00.000-07:00

One fine yet freaking day at college! Just look at 'em! What the crap. :P

From left to right: Vyonne, Amelia, Carmen, CK, Pawwen, Jeffrey, Rino (partly blocked) & Candy.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

My "creation" xD

No surprising.

2009-10-24T07:07:00.002-07:00

After all these while,
finally I could get it through.

After what we went through,
it's so much easier now to see the reason in between.

Still, it hurts when time's gonna heal.
But yet, it felt so good to be able to let it go now.

I want you to know,
you couldn't have loved me better.

And I want you to know too,
that it doesn't matter in the end.

There just simply mean no more moving on for me and you.
So, I'm already gone.

In fact, you don't need me to be in your life.
I'm just a game to you. Farewell.

2009-10-21T04:25:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I think I've got a cold.

Went back home with my body all wet, thanks to the heavy rain.

Now I'm sneezing and shivering like mad, but I've taken 2 tablets of Panadol so I should be alright.

I'll be okay, I guess.

No big deal.

Thanks for the Panadols, Jesse. LOL :P
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
It's been the longest winter without you.
I didn't know where to turn to.
See, somehow I can't forget you.
After all that we've been through.

Going, coming.
Thought I heard a knock?
Who's there? No one.
Thinking that I deserved it.
Now I realized that I really didn't know.
If you didn't notice, you mean everything.
Quickly, I'm learning to love again.
All that I know is I'mma be okay.

I couldn't turn on the TV,
without something there to remind me.
Was it all that easy,
to just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna laugh.
Hurt my feelings, but that's the path.
I'll believe in,
and I know time will heal it.

If you didn't notice babe,
you mean everything.

Thought I couldn't live without you,
it's gonna hurt when it heals too.
It'll all get better in time.
Even though I really loved you,
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserved to.
It'll all get better in time.

Since there's no more you and me,
It's time I let you go, fully.
So I can be free,
and live my life how it should be.
No matter how hard it is,
I'll be fine without you.

Yes, I will.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Come with me, stay the night.
You say the words but girl, it don't feel right.
Because to you, it's just a game.

So let me on down.
Because time has made me strong.
I'm starting to move on,
and your chance has come and gone.

You say you dream of my face.
But you don't like me.
You just like the chase.
To be real, it doesn't matter anyway.

I was young, and in love.
I gave you everything but, it wasn't enough.

Go find someone else.
In lettin' you go, I'm loving myself.
I can love with all of my heart, babe.
I know I have so much to give.
With a player like you, I don't have a prayer.
That's the way to live.

I'm gonna say this now.

It's just too little too late.
A little too wrong.
And I can't wait.
Girl, you know all the right things to say.

2009-10-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

结束不是我要的结果，

但也许已是唯一结果。

2009-10-17T09:19:00.000-07:00

You're everything I thought you never were.
And nothing like I thought you could have been.
But still, you live inside of me.
So tell me how is that?
You're the only one I wish I could forget.
The only one I love to not forgive.
And though you break my heart, you're the only one.
And though there are times when I hate you,
'cause I can't erase the times that you hurt me and put tears on my face.
And even now, while I hate you, it pains me to say,
I know I'll be there at the end of the day.

I don't wanna be without you, babe.
I don't want a broken heart.
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe.
I don't wanna play that part.
I know that I love you, but let me just say.
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no.
I don't want a broken heart.
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted boy.
No, no, no broken-hearted boy.

There's something that I feel I need to say.
But up til' now I've always been afraid that,
you would never come around.
And still I wanna put this out.

You say you've got the most respect for me.
But, sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me.
And still, you're in my heart. But you're the only one.
And yes, there are times when I hate you, but I don't complain,
'cause I've been afraid that you would walk away.
Oh, but now I don't hate you I'm happy to say,
That I will be there at the end of the day.

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd be, ooh.
I'm living in a world that's no more about you and me, yeah.
Gotta be afraid, my broken heart is not free to,
spread my wings and fly away, away with you...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Though I know that it's already over,
I know that there's nothing much left to say,

Though I hurt you so bad,
and I did things that I could not take back,

Though I know this thing is not going to work out,
and you will never forgive me for everything,

but why do I still think of you?
Why do I still dream of you?

Tell me how do I get over you?
Tell me how do I get you out of my mind?
Tell me how do I forget about you?
Tell me how do I stop mesmerizing our sweet memories?

Tell me the ways to get this still-feelings away?
Tell me the ways to feel like I'm single?
Tell me the ways to do better without you?
Tell me the ways to stop missing you?

Why is this happening..?

I'm strong.

2009-10-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

I can't get it back, but I don't want it back.
Never been a dumb dude, no I'm not dense.
I just had a slight lack of common sense.

I'm thinking one girl, but love for me?
She didn't have any.
She was my night time, thought I was her star.

Guess I was wrong but see I'm strong.
Won't take long for me to move on.
Only gonna play the fool one time.

Tried to settle down and look what I get.
Thought it was my time but I guess not yet.
Just not knowing, truly not knowing.

I thought I was inviting her into my heart. But I was wrong.

The mistakes I made is clear,
we never should've been together.
That's the reason you're not here.
I know that I can do much better.

Not a single salty tear,
not a feeling in my chest.
Baby I'm feeling no stress.
I'm too fly to be depressed.

Trust me when I say that I'll be okay. Go on, girl.

After all, it was a love game. Just like you said before.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8jZz_Na6Go&feature=related

2009-10-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

I can neither run nor hide.
What? Why?
I don't know. I have no idea.
Strange eh? Funny eh?

Wish that I could get you over with, soon enough.
Take it or make it halfway back, like you did to me.
It's never gonna be one of those happy ones. Nope.
Could this thing turn around? Is it possible?

At one time, I don't really wish that I want it to happen.
But then again, I don't know.
At another time, I think it's no longer possible to.
Because, it's just not possible.

Simple as that.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Dear Pooi Kee, you have to be strong.
I'm really sorry for what you've lost. I don't know what else can I do.
Yes, I know exactly what it feels like when you lost someone who is so close.
Her time has come. It is by God's decision that she has to go. Now.

Not only me, all of us are.
I know this is really hard for you to go through.
But do know that, you'll still have your caring parents beside you.
Plus, we as good friends will always be by your side.

No matter how, I'm always here for you.
If you ever need an ear to talk to or a shoulder to cry on,
know that I'm always one phone call away.
Pooi Kee, we can't pick you up unless you can help yourself.

May God bless you abundantly and shine your way throughout the rest of your life.
Amen.

For all these while.

2009-10-14T03:32:00.000-07:00

I'm nowhere near perfect.

I eat when I'm bored.
I drink when I'm frustrated.
I sleep when I'm hurt.

When I'm so much in love with someone, I give my all.
I swear to God, that I'll try my very best to.

Know that I'll always be vulnerable in actually believing lies.
I just hope that one day in the future, that I don't have to fake my smiles anymore.

I live by quotes that explains exactly what I'm going through in these while.
And do know that, I make excuses for everything I felt uncomfortable with.

I have best hangout buddies and also, worst enemies.
I have drama and also, memories that are supposed to be kept in deep silence.

It's everything that I need, and the things that you have to know.
Live it, love it and eventually learn from it.

Go ahead, just leave.
Can't hold you now, you're free.
You take all these things, if they mean so much to you.

You're out of control, I know that.
Girl, you're stone cold but you said you ain't so.
I ended up finding all of these from my boys.
You already knew that I'm not attached to material.
So did I deserve to be left and hurt?

What else that I've done but give love to you?
I'm nothing but confused, as I look at you everytime.
From head to feet, all that's not me. Not anymore.
You think material's the reason that I came.
If I had nothing at all, would you want me to stay?

No. So I gotta let you know now.

I've learn from my mistakes, and know that things will never be the same again anymore. That's facts. That's life. There's no runnin' away from it. For all these while, the ghost of you still haunts me. I'd give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love.

Party in the club! xD

2009-10-12T05:17:00.000-07:00

All of "Venus Girls" and the supervisors of Calleigh, please take note. It's party time! We are going to have a cocktail party, 2 more weeks from now. Our beloved and all-time favorite lecturers, both Mr. Teh and Christian Ng will be attending. So please make yourself available. Hui Yi and Jonah of Calleigh are still the organizers, and I'm just doing my part in informing. Hope to see all of you guys soon! :D

Any further enquiries, please contact any one of them either by calls or via email. Thank you!

No boundaries.

2009-10-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

Guys, guess what? Victor's coming back again!

Oh my God, this is just too good to be true! I know, it's unbelievable right? But the truth is that he gave us hope. I'm as grateful and joyful as hell right here, right now!

It proves that the information I got with his parents are useful after all. Thank God. We are always praying for his revival every single day and finally it paid off.

I'll pay him a visit, maybe tomorrow morning or afternoon. Who's with me? Me, Jesse, Phoebe, and Rainnie confirmed. The rest? Please contact me as soon as possible, thanks.

And I'm glad that my own condition is getting better now. I seemed to be doing great now, despite all the faintings and puking of blood. Double happiness! Thank you so much.

I can't believe either, that I'm a normal, healthy college dude again. No more sickness, no more nothing. I could live my life to the fullest now.

Yeah, there's breakup months ago but what can I do? It's already fated, and it's already over. There's no turning back now, and there's not even a single way to turn this thing around anymore. All I can do is that, I pray for your happiness with your new guy and as well I pray for my own health and success along all the coming years to go.

JESUS I LOVE YOU.

2009-10-05T05:37:00.001-07:00

I used to be tripping over, missing you but I'm not anymore. Because I'm not coming back, I'm closing the door. I got the picture phone baby, and the pictures of you had already long gone. Could'nt stand to see your smile every time from now onwards.

I'll do what I can, to not put your business in the streets. Didn't want to know where you've been and what you've done. Because I can no longer be.

You've found somebody else who does it better than I am. Now that you've got a new direction, and from now on I won't bother you anymore. Because I can no longer be.

2009-10-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

Alright, few hours more and my performance is on :). CK, if you are seeing this. Wish me luck bro!

Kinda nervous and at the same time, excited!

Wicked scary + freaking beautiful.

2009-10-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

Been on medication for like almost one week now, and it seems to be working pretty damn good. I mean, my freaking condition. Yeah, all the time. I am that kind of a weird guy after all, ain't I? It's gettin' better and better now, thank God.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Pretty sure I know it's not the right thing to do, and so are you. But I could'nt stop falling for you :\. I bet you would feel the same way, too. Are we just normal friends or is there more that we can be when we are hanging out with the rest and spending time together, girl? I wish there were, but no. I can't do it. It's totally against all things natural. It's against the "rules" and the "law".

The way you looked at me straight down with your electrifying, sparkling yet adorable eyes just made me nothin' but hypnotizing and truly, stunned. Hell, I'm not gonna forget the times that all of us have been being together for this whole while and not saying the things that we wanted. You are truly, absolutely amazing. Time will prove everything, and anything that we could had ever wanted, perhaps. ;P

This feeling is so mutual right here, right now. I can't fight it but only to enjoy the process. Yet at the same time, I like just the way it is. In fact, I'm lovin' it! ;D

What's happening?

2009-09-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

What is happening to me? Am I sick or somethin'?

Every morning wake up and I head to my bathroom straight up,
but then I coughed up spills of blood.
The same old thing happened to me since last Tuesday.
It's been a week now. I feel absolutely fine, but why there's blood comin' out from my mouth?

It's red in colour. It's blood, I'm telling 'ya.

For Christ's sake, I'm only 19. There's no freaking way that this is cancer.
I've told my parents about it but they don't seem much of a shocked reaction. And for that, I'm shocked myself @_@"
They'll take me to the professionals' help soon enough.

Oh my good Lord... what is going on?

p.s.

Joan, Mikki, Andrew, Suki, John, JC, Catherine, Wilson, PW, Dinesh, Mohammad Idris, Safinah, Yakuza (I lol-ed so hard everytime I hear and see that nickname of yours :P) Jessie, Phoebe, XY, Vivi, Abdul Imran, Jason, PM, Kent, the Ho brothers, Shane, Sarah, Matty, and my beloved Rainnie!

Thanks for all the much concern from you guys :)

It's officially over. Welcome back, single life?

2009-09-26T11:52:00.001-07:00

It's over now.

Should I be glad or somethin' else? Hell, I don't know.
The feeling that I wanted to cry it out so loud but I ain't having tears coming out of my eyes, no matter how hard I try. Man, did that sucks!

For some reason, I've made you hate me, successfully. Yeah, I did.
That's the only way it goes for you to even more loving and caring than me for your new cute guy. That's the only way you could treat your new guy better than the way you could've treated me.

And for some damn good reasons, this meaningful quotes just somehow could make me feel better. And I really don't mind repeating them all over and over again. It could really relate to me, though. It is indeed, meaningful yet touching kind of quotes.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

(For myself to see. Yeah.)

Remember all the things we wanted,
now all our memories they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.

Even with our fists held high,
It never would've worked out right.
We were never meant for do or die.

I didn't want us to burn out,
I didn't come here to hold you.
Now I can't stop.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter.
Where we take this road someone's gotta go.
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better.
But I want myself to move on so I'm already gone.

Looking at you makes it harder.
But I know that you'll find another.
That doesn't always make me want to cry.

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in.
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.

I'm already gone.
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.

I guess I'm not gonna cry and complain about it no more. It's officially over now, what more can I say? What more can I do? This is one part of my life stages, right? Part of it that I have to go through, even though how hard it is. I'm done.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs & Semper Fi, E.

2009-09-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

Top down in the summer sun,
the day we met was like a hit and run.
And I still taste it on my tougue.

The sky was burning up like fireworks,
You made me want you so badly.
But girl, in case you haven't heard.

I used to be love drunk,
but now I'm hungover.

I love you forever,
forever is over.

We used to text all night,
now it's just a cold war.

So don't call me crying,
say hello then goodbye.

Hot sweat and blurry eyes,
we're spinning on a college schedule ride.
The world stucked in black and white.

You droved me crazy every time we touched,
now I'm so broken I can't get up.
Oh girl, you made me such a lush.

All the time I spent on you,
all the bullshit you put me through.
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had,
didn't mean a thing to you.

I never thought that I was so blind, now I can finally see the truth. I admit I do now. It was a lie. It was the greatest joke ever to be with you. I guess you're right all the time. It was merely a love game after all. Yeah, part time boy as you said? Ha, I never thought that it could actually end in this way. Cool, it's really out of my expectations.

You told me that "How could I survive when you said goodbye... we used to be so fine when you walked into my life... I tried to reach out for you, just to be with you... don't go away..." but you were not.

You told me that "Funny face that makes me love you and miss you so much!" but you were not.

You told me that "I don't want to face this world alone without you by my side." but you were not.

You told me that "I wish I could be with you now." but you were not.

You told me that "You loved me so much that I actually remember the day we had our one month relationship anniversary." but you were not.

You told me that "You want me to be with you now so that you can give me a warm hug." but you were not.

You told me that "I love you. No matter what other people say and think, I only love you." but you were not.

You told me that "Not to cry because I love you." but you were not.

You told me that "Still, I want to love you. Time will prove my strength and faith of loving you, and this is my decision." but you were not.

You told me that "How come that road is so short... loved the feel that how I hold your hands... happy and joyful." but you were not.

You told me that "No matter how or what I've become, you want to love me." but you were not.

You told me that "I'll always stick to you to make you feel happy." but you were not.

You told me that "I'm not going to give up on us." but you were not.

You told me that "Because God knows that I love you so much." but you were not.

You told me that "I'm more important than you." but you were not.

You told me that "I want to listen to your voice." but you were not.

You told me that "Give ourselves a chance and a revival... I'm so in love with you... I have people who even said we could make a cute couple... I want you so much... I love you so much, even more than anything else... I can't afford to lose you..." but you were not.

You told me that "Only by being with me you will feel safe." but you were not.

You told me that "You are my only one, babe." but you were not.

You told me that "You would get five thousands spins on Wheel Of Faith to exchange for the rest of your life to fall in love with me forever and ever." but you were not.

You told me that "To be able to spin on Wheel Of Faith, I'll have to go to Hell. Though it sounds scary, but no matter how risky it's gonna be I'm still going. Because only by then I can continue to become human again and be with me." but you were not.

You told me that "If tomorrow's gonna dissapear, wish that I'm still loving you and remembering the feel that you hugged me deep inside you. Never ever release, be there always to protect me. I'm lucky to be myself, lucky that I'm being loved, lucky that I'm loved by you. I will cry no more, becuase I believe we'd be in love with our hands held high, nothing's gonna stop us and our love will prove the greatest in both of our entire lives." but you were not.

You told me that "You miss me so much... you love me so much." but you were not.

Say no more. I've made dozens and dozens of mistakes, and you were just a little. And yet, it's too late for me to take all that back now. It's just too late to apologize, forgive and forget for all the things that I've done. The time that we had, that we spent. I will cherish. I will mesmerize. I will remember. But only from a distance and without you even knowing it. I could'nt and will not find the right words to say, yet at the same time it's not going to happen to you too.

Ha~ indeed, love is a very strange yet funny stuff. Why am I still sobbing over my bed, thinking of all the great times that we had when I'm just a little too not over you and that now it is already over for so damn long? The pain is suffocating that I could hardly breathe, but thank God I'm still having my strong faith and confidence in You. Only with You in my heart, I'll always be able to pick myself up with that unbeatable strength to stand again.

Everyday wake up to the same old memories. Hmm, aren't memories supposed to fade? Just what is wrong with my heart? To be honest, I can't keep on feeling the way I do. I can't keep on hiding my heart from you. I can't keep on loving you from a distance.

You're always on my mind. There's no room left for thinking. The doors are closing and I'm frozen. I've grown tired of waiting 'cause I'm running out of time and I feel this ship is sinking. This is slowly fading away.

Oh and by the way. Good luck with your new guy Bboy ds. Wish the both of you all the best. He looks kinda cute and cool, though. Good for you then.

Now, it's officially over.

What about now?

2009-09-24T06:23:00.001-07:00

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if my love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words that I could never find?

From all the things that we are but are not saying,
can I see beyond the scars and make it to the dawn?
Change the colours of the sky and open up to,
the ways you made me feel alive.
The ways I loved you,
that never died.

The sun is breaking in my eyes,
to start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive,
with a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light,
I am still by your side.

Now that I'm here,
now that I've come this far.
I'm barely hanging on,
I fear for everything, babe.

Could all my life still be yours?

2009-09-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

Gosh, right leg still hurts like hell.

Somewhat like a crooked right ankle.

Dang it.

I got a feeling. Only one feeling remains.

2009-09-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the trip, uncle and aunty. (Should I even call it a "trip"?)

Honestly speaking, I do really hope that the information we gathered from doctors and professional help could make a big turning point for your son. I really do. Though I never tell you how much I care on this but, I really love him. I'm not gay, alright.

Victor. A kind and understanding friend of mine since primary school. I love him so much as my friend. I still remember when I'm cornered by a group of big fat bullies, he's there to get me out of the situation. I'm a smaller size than him back then, and not only that I thank him. There's a lot of things that he've done for me, just for the sake and benefit of me. I really hope that all these efforts we've done for him will eventually paid off. I really hope he'll be okay.

I'm with Jesse hanging out late at Starbucks here when I'm typing this blog. Jesse is enjoying her supper while I'm on the laptop. But I would'nt care much, because there's only 2 person in my entire mind right now. Victor and her.

Yes, I didn't type wrong. Yes, her.

Why I'm still having the feeling that this is not over yet? I have no clue at all. Why? Am I going through some sort of emotional discharge? How come after all these days, I still can't get you out of my mind? I can't even stop thinking about her all the time? Why is that so?

Yeah, I had great time with uncle, aunty, Jesse, Phoebe, and a few of our buddies here. I've been very happy and am enjoying my time here but I know for sure that in all this while, I'm actually hiding my true feelings from them.

Two-face guy? LOL. Why? I don't know, I really do not know. Is it my very own unique yet strange personality or is it just me? Until now, I still can't seem to face the real truth that this is already over. Could anyone be kind enough to just give me the answer that I want?

What a bad day. Supposed to be going back home today. Something stupid (or should I call it "not paying attention"?) happened. Step inside the taxi and told the driver to take us to the airport. My right leg was already inside while my left leg is not when some idiot 30+ lady driver just bang the butt of the taxi! Of course, we are all shocked at the moment and I'm more than shocked at the same time. I was terrified. I could definitely hear a sort of "crack" in my right leg. The impact made my leg twisted a lil bit. I was down to the ground, screaming a lil bit for pain and help.

They were all shocked as horseshit! Thank God, the taxi driver and that lady know just what to do. They didn't argue for the accident, in which I'm surprised. The lady quickly made haste and escorted us to a nearby hospital for immediate treatment. And thank God, it could be in real serious condition to my right leg if it's not being treated quickly. Yes, I'm fine now but my leg still hurts. I can barely walk properly, not to mention running or going for stairs. And f*ck that! Flight got delayed for 3 hours, due to some technical problem. That's what I heard from the emergency announcement. Damn it.

It's okay, I guess. No matter how bad my conditions are, it's never gonna be worst than how the way I treated her back then. But it's already too late to do anything to take it back now. I know, I know but it's just too late. I never fell out of love with her. That just would'nt go away. But it's over. Should I stop missing her and just move on to being a single guy again? Hell, I really do not know. And yet at the same time, I do not wish to know.

Empty talks is not gonna make any differences now. Only God is going to give me the accurate answers and the solution that I want as time goes by.

Goodbye? Really?

2009-09-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

Will I ever get the chance to see this mood of me below again? I don't know. I believe, things happened for a reason. And that reason doesn't care on whether you like it or not. It just, well, happened. And time continue to goes by without a warning. You could always fix the problem up, or just leave it to rot. That's it. That's life? Hell, I don't want.

On the flight now. And thanks to Jesse for burrowing me your laptop. I love such silence.

Everyone here is sleeping, including this dumb pig Jesse whom is beside me. But I'm not. Actually, I'm already awake from 12am+ until now. The clock's ticking, now is 4:10am and I'm still here, I can't sleep at all. I'm still having thoughts and memories of her, and there's a hard-to-tell feeling inside of me.

I wanted to sleep. I wanted to stop thinking about her, just for now. I wanted to get away from all these memories, just for now. They are haunting me every moment. But I can't seem to make them go away. And they just won't go away. How is that possible? What is actually wrong with my heart?

Here, I sit in darkness with the window on the right side overlooking the beautiful beyond-the-sky view. It's so amazing. It's so beautiful. But, this feeling is not amazing. It's not beautiful at all. How I keep on tellin' myself, why you are so hard to forget? Why you are always on my mind, no matter where am I, what am I doing?

Is this the so-called "Love Drunk"? Or is it that I'm just a little bit too not over you? I don't know, and at the same time I don't wish to know. Because I don't want to. I know you said that it's already over, but why is it in deep inside of me that I still do not want to give up on you? Tell me why, anybody? What is happening to me?

Why do I always pretend that I'm fine when you're around? Why do I always act like I'm just being my cool self when you're around? Why am I always forcing myself to act and pretend that I'm totally alright without you by my side when you're near? In truth, why am I even doing all these to show you? What all these has got to prove?

Why am I being cold to you when I'm not? Why am I being rude to you when I want to be polite with you? Why am I being my cool self when I'm with you? Do love always feel like a battlefield? Why is this even happening? Am I just being too blind that I bind my eyes to not see the truth of things? I know this is not gonna work but why am I still having high hopes?

Tell me why, I can't seem to get you out of my head? It's not going to work out for both of us anymore, and just why the heck I'm still praying and wishing for the opposite? Am I being stupid and blind? I can't seem to get over this, even though I said I can. Why am I even forcing and bluffing my ownself for things that I said I can do it, though I know I can't and I won't?

In truth, I don't want all these to just fade away. I don't want all these to go away. I don't want them to dissapear from my sight. I don't want to just leave me. I want them to stay, I want them to be with me. But how? It hurts me inside so strong whenever I think of them, and I've asked God is it wrong to do so? Why is this even hurting so bad?

I know this is over, it's over for us. But I can't let go, even though I said I'm fine with every decision that you've made. And now, I can't do it. I'm not that strong as you think. I'm not that positive as you think. I'm not that alright as you think. I'm not that "I can let it go easily" as you think. In truth, I'm totally NOT OKAY.

What is love, actually? Love is what? Yes, I totally agreed with you. Yes, love is a strange and funny thing. I admit it is. And I'd say, love is just like a cup of coffee. Coffee, it smells so damn good before drinking it. After you consumed them, you wanted to have more and more until you're satisfied. Once you ran out of coffee, you'll keep on having thoughts of having another cup of the same old damn coffee because you've already addicted to it.

I'd say, that this cup of coffee is just like you. I fell in love when I first saw you. I could'nt tell if this is really the "like" or the "love" but after I've got you, I wanted to have even more time with you. I don't want this to end, just like I don't want to finish my cup of coffee. Now that you're gone without a trace, I'm still sitting at the same old spot mesmerizing all the memories. Because I'm addicted. I'm addicted to you.

But, should I? Should I wait any more? I don't know. Yeah, it's already over and you've been saying that for so long but I can't do it. I can't get you out of my mind. What is wrong with me? Love drunk? Obsessed? Glue to you forever and ever? Babe, I'm not that strong as you might think I am. You are my second, and how come my heart can't take it anymore? Why is that so? I've been thinking for so long, and I can't seem to have the answers ready for me to tell.

It's been a sleepless night for me, but that's okay. I'm doing this, just for you. If you could feel me inside of you right here right now, how I wish that you'll be alright without me. And I know, you'll be fine without me. How much I'm missing you now, only God knows. Though I'm far away from you right now, know that my heart is always with you. Like it or not, I don't care. Because it's useless to tell you all these now. It's already over but can I forget about you?

Should be strong and I should be moving on, but I didn't think it'll be this hard to not think of you all the time. It's like, I have you in me all the time and you live in my mind now. You've became a permanent resident inside my heart. Why am I having this kind of feelings? Hell, how I wish I could get a perfect solution for this. If only you could feel me, I'll be more than happy.

Few moments more and I'll reach my desire destination. Promise me that you'll take good care of yourself. I know I can't concern you anymore than being like last time. We were always texting each other to see how things goes, but not anymore. I can't do that no more. What I only hope that you are okay. It's very cold here, and I bet it's even colder when I reach. But I'll always be warm when you are inside of me.

I've became weak and I just don't know how to face you from now on. I just don't know why. Things will never ever work out the same again, after what had happened. Take care, stay safe.

2009-09-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Thinkin' how the story goes,
I'm helpless and I'm wishin'.
put the film inside my mind,
but there's a big scene that I'm missin'.

As I reread my lines,
I think I said this, I should've said that.
Did you edit me out of your mind?
'Cause in a flash you were dissapear, gone.

Before the curtain falls,
and we act this out again.
Maybe I should risk it all and state.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Travelin' down this road again,
got to make a few decisions.
Don't want you to feel this hurt again,
that's why I'm hopin' that you'll listen.

If you let me press rewind,
I'll rehearse every word, I should have said.
'Cause girl, I'm ready to make things right.
Here on the stage, so we can move on.

And before the curtain falls,
and we act this out again.
Missin' pieces of ourselves, so stay.

Things that I should have said,
like I appreciate the time that I spent with you.
Inspire me with the smile that I put on your pretty face,
it glows in me and my heart, and my world comes alive.

But, I'm unconditionally more than I'm officially yours anymore.
It's just too late for me to you.
How I wish I could turn this around,
because on day one I've known the stakes.

Time passes by every moment of truth,
that I keep on having sorry thoughts for you.
There's a million reasons for you to go,
but only if you could find a reason to stay.

I'm sorry.

2009-09-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

Do you understand the difference between fighting for something and die for nothing?

No, you'll never understand.

2009-09-16T22:39:00.001-07:00

Break!

Nothing to write actually *LOL*!

Am having a simple lunch break with some of my work mates.

Gonna go offline. Buh-bye people!

Oh yeah, by the way though. Oh my God, Jesse! You made me Laugh Out Loud! Hahaha xD! Thanks for the so-called "gossip" or well, I would say it's a "joke"? Holy crap! You're just so damn funny! Thanks for making up my day dawg =D!

2009-09-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jesse and Phoebe for giving me a great time yesterday night when we hang out together at a cafe.

谢谢你们for giving me a special约会.

Thanks for giving me moral, as well as love support and being a very patience cum good listeners of my problems. I really thank you guys for doing so. I'm touched and am glad to have you guys with me. I've never felt so relieved before.

I really appreciated what you guys have done for me. Really, thank you so much. Perhaps there are times too whenever if you guys need me to have a shoulder to cry on, I'm always there for you guys.

My heart-felt thanks goes to you, the beautiful matured-lookin' Jesse and the cutie little girl-next-door Phoebe.

Dead and Gone.

2009-09-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

It never crossed my mind at all.
That's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.

It's for the best.
I know it is but I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget?
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth?
I'm just a little too not over you.

Aren't memories supposed to fade?
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go but I didn't think it'd be this hard.

Should be strong.
Movin' on.
But I see you.

Maybe I regret everything I said.
But there's no way to take it all back.
Now I'm on my own, how I let you go?
I'll never understand, I'll never understand...

To you, it doesn't matter after all.

2009-09-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

(1)当一个孤独的男孩经常对你厣厣一笑时,他已经喜欢上你了.
　　
(2)每次和你在一起的时候,他会很沉默,明明牵着你的手,却一会看天一会看云,你会认为他不喜欢你.错了,此时他眼里只有你,只是他习惯了一个人的感觉.
　
(3)当你在也受不住沉默的时候,你提出分手.他没有忧郁一刻便答应了,你认为他是真的不爱你.错了,他只要幸福快乐,满足你所有欲望,所以宁可忍痛退出.
　　
(4)他答应以后,便故作一点也不在乎的,漫无经心的走掉了.但是你永远也不会知道他心里是多么难过,也许这是他真的知道世界上有一种感觉叫欲哭无泪.
　　
(5)分手后,他每次走过你身边,都会显得更无所谓.但是你不会知道,当你转身只后,他会静静望着你的背影偷偷留泪.
　　
(6)就在你终于知道他是多么爱你并且你也仍爱着他的情况下,你去他的廎室找他,推开门,他正在椅在床上默默叹气,你走进他,他却顾也不顾的一把把你抱住,你笑了,这时却觉得衣襟湿湿的,你永远也不会知道,你的这个笑容,是他用多少不绵的泪夜换来的.

I told you that I'm truly sorry and I apologized for everything that I've caused, but did you accept my sincere apology? No. I'm not here saying that I'm forcing you to do so but, did you? And in truth, I'm not trying to get you to pity, understand, forgive or even, love me back. Not a chance at all. This is exactly all my thoughts and current feelings that I'm running through now. And please don't say that I just want to make myself feel better, and I want to blame you or anything. Not a chance in my entire life. I wrote all these, it's bullshits to you but it's diamonds to me. If you think that I'm trying to say all these incidents happened is because of you, then you are wrong. I've never ever want your apology and will ever I've never want you to do or feel anything at all either. Because I'll never know what the future brings. I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand. If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?

If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?

If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?

If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

'cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away. And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. 'cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right. And though I don't know whether I will be with you. And like it or not, know my heart is by your side.

Why do you forward me this if ever you had already knew? I'm not gonna blame it on you anymore. As I say it again and again, it's never the real truth that's too far from you. You'll never know. I want you to know, it doesn't matter. Where we take this road, someone's gotta go. And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone. You told me it's over, it's not going to work out right anymore and you are tired of my everything. Your "tired" of me made me speechless, made me helpless and made me even felt hopeless.

你永远都不可能知道你那一小个"累了 / 真的好累"对我来说是有着多大的打击，多么的困扰。You'll never know. But it's alright. I can truly understand. I won't make you feel guilty or anything. Am I crazy for falling in love with you, or is it really just another crush? Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized. Are you holding back like the way I do? 'cause I've tried and tried to walk away, but I know this crush ain't going away.

So, here goes. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong. So I'm gone, I'm already gone. Here, I'm gone.

2009-09-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or are you just heartless? Why are you so cold and not understanding? You used to be good in this, but why? You've changed... you've changed alot. You are somewhat like a poison devil-cum-angel now. It could give you great imaginations when you look at it, but after you consume it and before you could realize, it turned you into something else... something just not the way that you used to be.

It's like... you are not the one that I used to know anymore. You've changed alot in just that minor of time. I'm sorry but, I'll have to follow what you said months ago because I'm feeling exactly the same.

是否不能回到从前？

是否一切都已结束？

可不可以回到从前？

可不可以不要结束？

我对你的爱

没有时差
没有距离
没有局限

你要我怎么释怀？

爱情是一场意外吗？

现在，只剩下我一人坐在冷冷的空间里...

看着你越走越远...

你的心，去了哪里？

爱我的心，还在吗？

爱上你，我并不意外...

可是，现在的结局，让我很意外...

你走的那天，
我决定不掉泪，
迎着风撑着眼帘,
用力不眨眼。

多谢你的绝情，
让我学会死心...

But... should I really say this? I'm still having that unbeatable feelings for you and even, I cried just because of you. Is it the so-called "crocodile's tears" that I'm dropping right now? Hell, I don't think so. Could anyone really know and guess what I'm thinking deep inside of me? Could anyone hear my prayers? Why am I even crying, if its never even worth it anymore?

到现在,我还是很坚持的守护着我们的爱情...

I know you said that we're done, we're over, things will not work out anymore but...

除非，你不爱了...

I know that you said just yet, we could never be the same again. And I said, nothing will ever be the same again. Should I sit here, mesmerize every precious memories and just, wait? Just like you, if I'm done with you I would never wait for you. I would never even blog it out. I would never even send you messages to try confronting you. But... am I just a little too late now? Is it just too little too late? I need an answer, just a simple one. Not from you, because I knew you wouldn't want to repeat and repeat anymore. But from God...

I never thought that I was so blind, and I could finally see the truth. You could never imagine that you are always in my mind every night. But it is just too far a real truth for you. You will not know and realize. Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. Even with our fists held high, it would've never worked out right. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see, because you've seen mine too much of a fact that you are tired of my everything now.

People always told me and give me advices that it's never too late to do anything. If you ever have the courage, faith and confidence within you, nothing can stop you from achieving what your heart desires. But this? How am I supposed to take it back to normal? To where I want it to be? To where it supposed to be? To like, nothing had ever happened? I can't turn this around no more. I know what's at stake but I don't have the energy to do it no more, moreover even without love support. This broken heart is damaged. There's a million reasons for you to go, but if you could find a reason to stay? But, will you? Are you willing to? I've learn to trust nothing and no one, and only time will lead me for the rest of my life. Like it or not, trusting time is the only way that's gotta be.

糊掉的眼线...

What I've said and what I've told you, I've already did. Those that you can understand, thank you babe. For those that you won't be able or even, will not understand then just leave it wrong because I've already ran out of idea to even trying to fix them up. In the end, the hardest thing for me to say seems to be goodbye. But, do I have choices? What more can I do? Nothing. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.

我的灵魂，剩下空洞的悲哀...

2009-09-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Just having a moody and boring day, I guess. There was this Spider Man 3 on the TV just now. I begun watching the another half part until the end. Actually I've watched that movie before, for like I think 3 times? Hell, I can't recall at all. But it has got great story line and plot, though. Kinda action-nise and romantic too. There's one part which, I cried because of it. I guess that part could relate to what I'm going through now. Pretty much, though.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

I'm still sitting here, doing nothing but mesmerize every single precious memories. I don't know if ever, I'm worth to do that because... well I just don't know how to say. It's rather complicated to tell what's even bothering me from the very deep inside of my heart. I knew it's something about relationship, but am I even worth it to, well you know, sit and wait? ... I don't know. I can't just put it all aside and pretend that nothing had ever happened, you know? Look on the bright side of things? Hell yeah, how I wish I could do that easily. If, just time will go back again? Things just back to where I want, or even if ever you want it to be too? Not gonna happen because you said so? This hard-to-tell feeling inside is suffocating and is killing me, big time.

2009-09-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high, it never would've worked out right. We were never meant for do or die.

I didn't want us to burn out, I didn't come here to hold you. Now I can't stop.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Where we take this road someone's gotta go. And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on so I'm already gone.

Looking at you makes it harder, but I know that you'll find another. That doesn't always make you want to cry. Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.

Without you.

2009-09-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

When I think of all my sorrow and I had you there, but then I let you go. And now it's only fair that I should let you know, what you should know.

Already gone.

2009-09-06T01:08:00.000-07:00

I never thought that I was so blind, I can finally see the truth. It's me for you. Tonight you can't imagine that I'm by your side, 'cause it's never gonna be the truth too far for you.

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.

If I could see the future and how this plays out, I bet it's better than where we are now. But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why.

I wanna.

2009-09-05T21:26:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had to talk to the person you loved most, tell them it's gonna be alright, when you know it's not?

I certainly do.

Available?

2009-09-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

Is this already over? Hell, I have no freaking idea at all. Don't ask me about it, and don't try to get the answers from me. Because for Christ's sake, I have hell of an idea. I'd better be myself, just for the sake of you.

I guess I'll just have to maintain my so-called "blur-ness" for now. Yeah, it's stupid but what can I do? Teach me? Educate me? Advise me? Lol... I don't know. You don't seem to care anymore and from that road onwards, I've lost my soul.

Is it just me or are you just heartless? I told 'ya, I have no idea at all. I really do not know. But yet, I don't really wish to know. Because I know you won't be telling anyway. You just have to keep all that to yourself, perhaps?

Such a bothering matter, but I can't do anything about it. Use of force is not allowed in this, and for that I won't be doing to satisfy only myself. Oh well, I just can't take it. My heart is racing like mad, and the feelings just keeps on spinnin' out. Oh well, I'm guessing you won't be able to understand.

Let it be then, let it be.

Paramore?

2009-09-03T04:15:00.001-07:00

Ignorance is your new best friend.

Teehehehe... xD!

Anyway, happy birthday to my big brother Jason! :D

Whatever it takes.

2009-08-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

I'll do whatever it takes.

To turn this around.

I know what's at stakes.

What's wrong?

2009-08-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you hold so tight, it slips right through your hands.

If Today Was Your Last Day...

2009-08-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

If today was your last day, what would you do? What would Jesus do?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you leave old pictures in the past?

Would you donate every dime you had?

Would you make a mark by mending a broken heart?

Would you call those friends that you never see? Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you're dreaming of? Swear up and down to God above that you'd finally fall in love?

I Hate You, Aeris!

2009-08-09T06:57:00.000-07:00

Hate you! May God f*ck you!

To hell with you! All you ever did is tearing us apart!

I thought this thing between you both are over... but NO!

Damn you to the ground, you jerkass faggot!

H1N1

2009-08-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

Been having H1N1's signs from Thursday until present... seen professional help but it is still here, inside of me...

The irritational and painful medicine just made up my days with sufferings. Just want it to end... that's all...

Babe... what if the doctors were right..? Farewell..?

I'm handing my life and soul to you now my Lord our God...

Heartless. Just upset, very upset. That's all.

2009-07-27T06:18:00.000-07:00

In the night I hear them talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road,
He lost his soul,
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so
Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talking to me yo
You need to watch the way you talking to me yo
I mean after all the things that we been through
I mean after all the things we got into
And yo I know some things you things that you aint told me
Ayo I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna pay me back
You gon' show me
So you walk round like you don't me
You got them new friends
Well I got homeys
But at the end it's still so lonely

In the night I hear them talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul,
To a woman so heartless

How could you be so Dr. Evil
You're bringing out a side of
Me that I don't know,
I decided we wasn't gonna speak so why are up 3 a.m. on the phone,
Why does she be so mad at me for, homey I don't know she hot and cold,
I won't stop and mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell you're friends that you're leavin' me,
They say that they don't see what you see in me,
You wait a couple months then you gone' see,
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear them talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road
He lost his soul,
To a woman so heartless

Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby lets just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
So I got something new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies
I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night...

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told.
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul.
To a woman so heartless...
How could you be so heartless? oh... how could you be so heartless.

2009-07-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

What is going on inside of me? So depressed.. so bullshit.. I can't even tell what is it all about.

I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best that I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles, it's a very, very

Mad world.

Mad me.

2009-07-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

Scared.. just darn scared.. will it go smoothly..?

I still have this precious time to blog it out of my heart felt feelings.

Babe, I wish I could see you before I go for it.

*************************************************************

God, please have she and her family blessed. I'm putting my own life onto you now.

The happiness of loving you~

2009-07-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

That feeling, is still frustrating

The memories is already over

Living in the past will only bring sadness

Every words of farewell are hidden with a scar behind

Don't wish to think about it anymore ever

-------------------------------------------------------------------

After days of elaborations...

I knew that

The recent her, loves me so much

Loving her in return, gives the same happiness

Just want to be with her

If, the chances of getting happiness only reaches 1% out of the 100%

Then I shall not even miss that opportunity for happiness

*I'm even more loving you than you can imagine*

Thank God for allowing me to have her entered to my world

Orientation Odyssey Night 2009~

2009-07-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

Won't be around from now until tomorrow =). OO Night baby.

Though I don't really know what is it but I guess it's gonna be a fun ride!

Peace out.

Rainism~

2009-07-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

Anyone knows the dance moves for Rain's Rainism? Hmm... I wondered...

Punk-@ss Wan Fadhila, any last words? I shall teach again... LOL!

2009-07-10T03:13:00.000-07:00

Feeling dissapointed on my presentation. Sucks la... =.="

p.s. OO Night coming babe, you ready for this? =)

Never Say Never...

2009-07-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

Why do you have to make this so hard for me, babe? Why?

We could work this out, honestly. You just have to trust me.

I'm breaking down because of you and it hurts so much inside of me.

Please...

Doses of happiness!

2009-07-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you for believing in me babe ;).

Speechless ;__;

2009-07-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

Am I just being "A Little Too Not Over You"? Is this thing fading away?

I do not wish to know... I really don't...

Why is this happening to me...

Well, there's a phrase that's real is it. "Happy moments do just last a while, and followed by the pain"? I guess that's true all along isn't it.

Just speechless... leave me alone... being with you could brought so much pain and suffer?

Only God knows what is my feeling right now. Just want to be left alone right now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v2qUGOb-Z0

I dedicate this song, hopefully you understand...

All the lyrics are the exact same as my feelings for you right now... just... Don't Let Me Go...

You Are Not Alone ;)

2009-07-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

Zero Gravity, Zero Gravity...

Zero Gravity...

You're the most sweetest thing that has happened in my life ;)...

Left 4 Dead 2

2009-06-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Can't wait for the coming Left 4 Dead 2 PC game! It's damn addicting!

"The last time I saw my grandmother, she asked me was I still a prayer man."

"I told her, yes ma'am"

"Well she said, pray hard, 'cause it ain't workin!"

*BOOM* xD!

"I ain't gonna die with no salvation"

"And as long as we got guns, we gonna fight"

"And when you ran out of bullets"

"They won't wish me had"

Lols!

By the way, the movie Transformers: Revive of the Fallen was damn awesome! This gotta be the greatest action movie I've ever seen in my life! Gotta watch it again and again!