What is happening to me? Am I sick or somethin'?
Every morning wake up and I head to my bathroom straight up,
but then I coughed up spills of blood.
The same old thing happened to me since last Tuesday.
It's been a week now. I feel absolutely fine, but why there's blood comin' out from my mouth?
It's red in colour. It's blood, I'm telling 'ya.
For Christ's sake, I'm only 19. There's no freaking way that this is cancer.
I've told my parents about it but they don't seem much of a shocked reaction. And for that, I'm shocked myself @_@"
They'll take me to the professionals' help soon enough.
Oh my good Lord... what is going on?
p.s.
Joan, Mikki, Andrew, Suki, John, JC, Catherine, Wilson, PW, Dinesh, Mohammad Idris, Safinah, Yakuza (I lol-ed so hard everytime I hear and see that nickname of yours :P) Jessie, Phoebe, XY, Vivi, Abdul Imran, Jason, PM, Kent, the Ho brothers, Shane, Sarah, Matty, and my beloved Rainnie!
Thanks for all the much concern from you guys :)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
It's officially over. Welcome back, single life?
It's over now.
Should I be glad or somethin' else? Hell, I don't know.
The feeling that I wanted to cry it out so loud but I ain't having tears coming out of my eyes, no matter how hard I try. Man, did that sucks!
For some reason, I've made you hate me, successfully. Yeah, I did.
That's the only way it goes for you to even more loving and caring than me for your new cute guy. That's the only way you could treat your new guy better than the way you could've treated me.
And for some damn good reasons, this meaningful quotes just somehow could make me feel better. And I really don't mind repeating them all over and over again. It could really relate to me, though. It is indeed, meaningful yet touching kind of quotes.
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
(For myself to see. Yeah.)
Remember all the things we wanted,
now all our memories they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.
Even with our fists held high,
It never would've worked out right.
We were never meant for do or die.
I didn't want us to burn out,
I didn't come here to hold you.
Now I can't stop.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter.
Where we take this road someone's gotta go.
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better.
But I want myself to move on so I'm already gone.
Looking at you makes it harder.
But I know that you'll find another.
That doesn't always make me want to cry.
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in.
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.
I'm already gone.
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.
I guess I'm not gonna cry and complain about it no more. It's officially over now, what more can I say? What more can I do? This is one part of my life stages, right? Part of it that I have to go through, even though how hard it is. I'm done.
Should I be glad or somethin' else? Hell, I don't know.
The feeling that I wanted to cry it out so loud but I ain't having tears coming out of my eyes, no matter how hard I try. Man, did that sucks!
For some reason, I've made you hate me, successfully. Yeah, I did.
That's the only way it goes for you to even more loving and caring than me for your new cute guy. That's the only way you could treat your new guy better than the way you could've treated me.
And for some damn good reasons, this meaningful quotes just somehow could make me feel better. And I really don't mind repeating them all over and over again. It could really relate to me, though. It is indeed, meaningful yet touching kind of quotes.
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
(For myself to see. Yeah.)
Remember all the things we wanted,
now all our memories they're haunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye.
Even with our fists held high,
It never would've worked out right.
We were never meant for do or die.
I didn't want us to burn out,
I didn't come here to hold you.
Now I can't stop.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter.
Where we take this road someone's gotta go.
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better.
But I want myself to move on so I'm already gone.
Looking at you makes it harder.
But I know that you'll find another.
That doesn't always make me want to cry.
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in.
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.
I'm already gone.
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
There's no moving on so I'm already gone.
I guess I'm not gonna cry and complain about it no more. It's officially over now, what more can I say? What more can I do? This is one part of my life stages, right? Part of it that I have to go through, even though how hard it is. I'm done.
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs & Semper Fi, E.
Top down in the summer sun,
the day we met was like a hit and run.
And I still taste it on my tougue.
The sky was burning up like fireworks,
You made me want you so badly.
But girl, in case you haven't heard.
I used to be love drunk,
but now I'm hungover.
I love you forever,
forever is over.
We used to text all night,
now it's just a cold war.
So don't call me crying,
say hello then goodbye.
Hot sweat and blurry eyes,
we're spinning on a college schedule ride.
The world stucked in black and white.
You droved me crazy every time we touched,
now I'm so broken I can't get up.
Oh girl, you made me such a lush.
All the time I spent on you,
all the bullshit you put me through.
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had,
didn't mean a thing to you.
I never thought that I was so blind, now I can finally see the truth. I admit I do now. It was a lie. It was the greatest joke ever to be with you. I guess you're right all the time. It was merely a love game after all. Yeah, part time boy as you said? Ha, I never thought that it could actually end in this way. Cool, it's really out of my expectations.
You told me that "How could I survive when you said goodbye... we used to be so fine when you walked into my life... I tried to reach out for you, just to be with you... don't go away..." but you were not.
You told me that "Funny face that makes me love you and miss you so much!" but you were not.
You told me that "I don't want to face this world alone without you by my side." but you were not.
You told me that "I wish I could be with you now." but you were not.
You told me that "You loved me so much that I actually remember the day we had our one month relationship anniversary." but you were not.
You told me that "You want me to be with you now so that you can give me a warm hug." but you were not.
You told me that "I love you. No matter what other people say and think, I only love you." but you were not.
You told me that "Not to cry because I love you." but you were not.
You told me that "Still, I want to love you. Time will prove my strength and faith of loving you, and this is my decision." but you were not.
You told me that "How come that road is so short... loved the feel that how I hold your hands... happy and joyful." but you were not.
You told me that "No matter how or what I've become, you want to love me." but you were not.
You told me that "I'll always stick to you to make you feel happy." but you were not.
You told me that "I'm not going to give up on us." but you were not.
You told me that "Because God knows that I love you so much." but you were not.
You told me that "I'm more important than you." but you were not.
You told me that "I want to listen to your voice." but you were not.
You told me that "Give ourselves a chance and a revival... I'm so in love with you... I have people who even said we could make a cute couple... I want you so much... I love you so much, even more than anything else... I can't afford to lose you..." but you were not.
You told me that "Only by being with me you will feel safe." but you were not.
You told me that "You are my only one, babe." but you were not.
You told me that "You would get five thousands spins on Wheel Of Faith to exchange for the rest of your life to fall in love with me forever and ever." but you were not.
You told me that "To be able to spin on Wheel Of Faith, I'll have to go to Hell. Though it sounds scary, but no matter how risky it's gonna be I'm still going. Because only by then I can continue to become human again and be with me." but you were not.
You told me that "If tomorrow's gonna dissapear, wish that I'm still loving you and remembering the feel that you hugged me deep inside you. Never ever release, be there always to protect me. I'm lucky to be myself, lucky that I'm being loved, lucky that I'm loved by you. I will cry no more, becuase I believe we'd be in love with our hands held high, nothing's gonna stop us and our love will prove the greatest in both of our entire lives." but you were not.
You told me that "You miss me so much... you love me so much." but you were not.
Say no more. I've made dozens and dozens of mistakes, and you were just a little. And yet, it's too late for me to take all that back now. It's just too late to apologize, forgive and forget for all the things that I've done. The time that we had, that we spent. I will cherish. I will mesmerize. I will remember. But only from a distance and without you even knowing it. I could'nt and will not find the right words to say, yet at the same time it's not going to happen to you too.
Ha~ indeed, love is a very strange yet funny stuff. Why am I still sobbing over my bed, thinking of all the great times that we had when I'm just a little too not over you and that now it is already over for so damn long? The pain is suffocating that I could hardly breathe, but thank God I'm still having my strong faith and confidence in You. Only with You in my heart, I'll always be able to pick myself up with that unbeatable strength to stand again.
Everyday wake up to the same old memories. Hmm, aren't memories supposed to fade? Just what is wrong with my heart? To be honest, I can't keep on feeling the way I do. I can't keep on hiding my heart from you. I can't keep on loving you from a distance.
You're always on my mind. There's no room left for thinking. The doors are closing and I'm frozen. I've grown tired of waiting 'cause I'm running out of time and I feel this ship is sinking. This is slowly fading away.
Oh and by the way. Good luck with your new guy Bboy ds. Wish the both of you all the best. He looks kinda cute and cool, though. Good for you then.
Now, it's officially over.
the day we met was like a hit and run.
And I still taste it on my tougue.
The sky was burning up like fireworks,
You made me want you so badly.
But girl, in case you haven't heard.
I used to be love drunk,
but now I'm hungover.
I love you forever,
forever is over.
We used to text all night,
now it's just a cold war.
So don't call me crying,
say hello then goodbye.
Hot sweat and blurry eyes,
we're spinning on a college schedule ride.
The world stucked in black and white.
You droved me crazy every time we touched,
now I'm so broken I can't get up.
Oh girl, you made me such a lush.
All the time I spent on you,
all the bullshit you put me through.
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had,
didn't mean a thing to you.
I never thought that I was so blind, now I can finally see the truth. I admit I do now. It was a lie. It was the greatest joke ever to be with you. I guess you're right all the time. It was merely a love game after all. Yeah, part time boy as you said? Ha, I never thought that it could actually end in this way. Cool, it's really out of my expectations.
You told me that "How could I survive when you said goodbye... we used to be so fine when you walked into my life... I tried to reach out for you, just to be with you... don't go away..." but you were not.
You told me that "Funny face that makes me love you and miss you so much!" but you were not.
You told me that "I don't want to face this world alone without you by my side." but you were not.
You told me that "I wish I could be with you now." but you were not.
You told me that "You loved me so much that I actually remember the day we had our one month relationship anniversary." but you were not.
You told me that "You want me to be with you now so that you can give me a warm hug." but you were not.
You told me that "I love you. No matter what other people say and think, I only love you." but you were not.
You told me that "Not to cry because I love you." but you were not.
You told me that "Still, I want to love you. Time will prove my strength and faith of loving you, and this is my decision." but you were not.
You told me that "How come that road is so short... loved the feel that how I hold your hands... happy and joyful." but you were not.
You told me that "No matter how or what I've become, you want to love me." but you were not.
You told me that "I'll always stick to you to make you feel happy." but you were not.
You told me that "I'm not going to give up on us." but you were not.
You told me that "Because God knows that I love you so much." but you were not.
You told me that "I'm more important than you." but you were not.
You told me that "I want to listen to your voice." but you were not.
You told me that "Give ourselves a chance and a revival... I'm so in love with you... I have people who even said we could make a cute couple... I want you so much... I love you so much, even more than anything else... I can't afford to lose you..." but you were not.
You told me that "Only by being with me you will feel safe." but you were not.
You told me that "You are my only one, babe." but you were not.
You told me that "You would get five thousands spins on Wheel Of Faith to exchange for the rest of your life to fall in love with me forever and ever." but you were not.
You told me that "To be able to spin on Wheel Of Faith, I'll have to go to Hell. Though it sounds scary, but no matter how risky it's gonna be I'm still going. Because only by then I can continue to become human again and be with me." but you were not.
You told me that "If tomorrow's gonna dissapear, wish that I'm still loving you and remembering the feel that you hugged me deep inside you. Never ever release, be there always to protect me. I'm lucky to be myself, lucky that I'm being loved, lucky that I'm loved by you. I will cry no more, becuase I believe we'd be in love with our hands held high, nothing's gonna stop us and our love will prove the greatest in both of our entire lives." but you were not.
You told me that "You miss me so much... you love me so much." but you were not.
Say no more. I've made dozens and dozens of mistakes, and you were just a little. And yet, it's too late for me to take all that back now. It's just too late to apologize, forgive and forget for all the things that I've done. The time that we had, that we spent. I will cherish. I will mesmerize. I will remember. But only from a distance and without you even knowing it. I could'nt and will not find the right words to say, yet at the same time it's not going to happen to you too.
Ha~ indeed, love is a very strange yet funny stuff. Why am I still sobbing over my bed, thinking of all the great times that we had when I'm just a little too not over you and that now it is already over for so damn long? The pain is suffocating that I could hardly breathe, but thank God I'm still having my strong faith and confidence in You. Only with You in my heart, I'll always be able to pick myself up with that unbeatable strength to stand again.
Everyday wake up to the same old memories. Hmm, aren't memories supposed to fade? Just what is wrong with my heart? To be honest, I can't keep on feeling the way I do. I can't keep on hiding my heart from you. I can't keep on loving you from a distance.
You're always on my mind. There's no room left for thinking. The doors are closing and I'm frozen. I've grown tired of waiting 'cause I'm running out of time and I feel this ship is sinking. This is slowly fading away.
Oh and by the way. Good luck with your new guy Bboy ds. Wish the both of you all the best. He looks kinda cute and cool, though. Good for you then.
Now, it's officially over.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
What about now?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if my love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words that I could never find?
From all the things that we are but are not saying,
can I see beyond the scars and make it to the dawn?
Change the colours of the sky and open up to,
the ways you made me feel alive.
The ways I loved you,
that never died.
The sun is breaking in my eyes,
to start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive,
with a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light,
I am still by your side.
Now that I'm here,
now that I've come this far.
I'm barely hanging on,
I fear for everything, babe.
Could all my life still be yours?
What if my love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words that I could never find?
From all the things that we are but are not saying,
can I see beyond the scars and make it to the dawn?
Change the colours of the sky and open up to,
the ways you made me feel alive.
The ways I loved you,
that never died.
The sun is breaking in my eyes,
to start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive,
with a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light,
I am still by your side.
Now that I'm here,
now that I've come this far.
I'm barely hanging on,
I fear for everything, babe.
Could all my life still be yours?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I got a feeling. Only one feeling remains.
Thanks for the trip, uncle and aunty. (Should I even call it a "trip"?)
Honestly speaking, I do really hope that the information we gathered from doctors and professional help could make a big turning point for your son. I really do. Though I never tell you how much I care on this but, I really love him. I'm not gay, alright.
Victor. A kind and understanding friend of mine since primary school. I love him so much as my friend. I still remember when I'm cornered by a group of big fat bullies, he's there to get me out of the situation. I'm a smaller size than him back then, and not only that I thank him. There's a lot of things that he've done for me, just for the sake and benefit of me. I really hope that all these efforts we've done for him will eventually paid off. I really hope he'll be okay.
I'm with Jesse hanging out late at Starbucks here when I'm typing this blog. Jesse is enjoying her supper while I'm on the laptop. But I would'nt care much, because there's only 2 person in my entire mind right now. Victor and her.
Yes, I didn't type wrong. Yes, her.
Why I'm still having the feeling that this is not over yet? I have no clue at all. Why? Am I going through some sort of emotional discharge? How come after all these days, I still can't get you out of my mind? I can't even stop thinking about her all the time? Why is that so?
Yeah, I had great time with uncle, aunty, Jesse, Phoebe, and a few of our buddies here. I've been very happy and am enjoying my time here but I know for sure that in all this while, I'm actually hiding my true feelings from them.
Two-face guy? LOL. Why? I don't know, I really do not know. Is it my very own unique yet strange personality or is it just me? Until now, I still can't seem to face the real truth that this is already over. Could anyone be kind enough to just give me the answer that I want?
What a bad day. Supposed to be going back home today. Something stupid (or should I call it "not paying attention"?) happened. Step inside the taxi and told the driver to take us to the airport. My right leg was already inside while my left leg is not when some idiot 30+ lady driver just bang the butt of the taxi! Of course, we are all shocked at the moment and I'm more than shocked at the same time. I was terrified. I could definitely hear a sort of "crack" in my right leg. The impact made my leg twisted a lil bit. I was down to the ground, screaming a lil bit for pain and help.
They were all shocked as horseshit! Thank God, the taxi driver and that lady know just what to do. They didn't argue for the accident, in which I'm surprised. The lady quickly made haste and escorted us to a nearby hospital for immediate treatment. And thank God, it could be in real serious condition to my right leg if it's not being treated quickly. Yes, I'm fine now but my leg still hurts. I can barely walk properly, not to mention running or going for stairs. And f*ck that! Flight got delayed for 3 hours, due to some technical problem. That's what I heard from the emergency announcement. Damn it.
It's okay, I guess. No matter how bad my conditions are, it's never gonna be worst than how the way I treated her back then. But it's already too late to do anything to take it back now. I know, I know but it's just too late. I never fell out of love with her. That just would'nt go away. But it's over. Should I stop missing her and just move on to being a single guy again? Hell, I really do not know. And yet at the same time, I do not wish to know.
Empty talks is not gonna make any differences now. Only God is going to give me the accurate answers and the solution that I want as time goes by.
Honestly speaking, I do really hope that the information we gathered from doctors and professional help could make a big turning point for your son. I really do. Though I never tell you how much I care on this but, I really love him. I'm not gay, alright.
Victor. A kind and understanding friend of mine since primary school. I love him so much as my friend. I still remember when I'm cornered by a group of big fat bullies, he's there to get me out of the situation. I'm a smaller size than him back then, and not only that I thank him. There's a lot of things that he've done for me, just for the sake and benefit of me. I really hope that all these efforts we've done for him will eventually paid off. I really hope he'll be okay.
I'm with Jesse hanging out late at Starbucks here when I'm typing this blog. Jesse is enjoying her supper while I'm on the laptop. But I would'nt care much, because there's only 2 person in my entire mind right now. Victor and her.
Yes, I didn't type wrong. Yes, her.
Why I'm still having the feeling that this is not over yet? I have no clue at all. Why? Am I going through some sort of emotional discharge? How come after all these days, I still can't get you out of my mind? I can't even stop thinking about her all the time? Why is that so?
Yeah, I had great time with uncle, aunty, Jesse, Phoebe, and a few of our buddies here. I've been very happy and am enjoying my time here but I know for sure that in all this while, I'm actually hiding my true feelings from them.
Two-face guy? LOL. Why? I don't know, I really do not know. Is it my very own unique yet strange personality or is it just me? Until now, I still can't seem to face the real truth that this is already over. Could anyone be kind enough to just give me the answer that I want?
What a bad day. Supposed to be going back home today. Something stupid (or should I call it "not paying attention"?) happened. Step inside the taxi and told the driver to take us to the airport. My right leg was already inside while my left leg is not when some idiot 30+ lady driver just bang the butt of the taxi! Of course, we are all shocked at the moment and I'm more than shocked at the same time. I was terrified. I could definitely hear a sort of "crack" in my right leg. The impact made my leg twisted a lil bit. I was down to the ground, screaming a lil bit for pain and help.
They were all shocked as horseshit! Thank God, the taxi driver and that lady know just what to do. They didn't argue for the accident, in which I'm surprised. The lady quickly made haste and escorted us to a nearby hospital for immediate treatment. And thank God, it could be in real serious condition to my right leg if it's not being treated quickly. Yes, I'm fine now but my leg still hurts. I can barely walk properly, not to mention running or going for stairs. And f*ck that! Flight got delayed for 3 hours, due to some technical problem. That's what I heard from the emergency announcement. Damn it.
It's okay, I guess. No matter how bad my conditions are, it's never gonna be worst than how the way I treated her back then. But it's already too late to do anything to take it back now. I know, I know but it's just too late. I never fell out of love with her. That just would'nt go away. But it's over. Should I stop missing her and just move on to being a single guy again? Hell, I really do not know. And yet at the same time, I do not wish to know.
Empty talks is not gonna make any differences now. Only God is going to give me the accurate answers and the solution that I want as time goes by.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Goodbye? Really?
Will I ever get the chance to see this mood of me below again? I don't know. I believe, things happened for a reason. And that reason doesn't care on whether you like it or not. It just, well, happened. And time continue to goes by without a warning. You could always fix the problem up, or just leave it to rot. That's it. That's life? Hell, I don't want.
On the flight now. And thanks to Jesse for burrowing me your laptop. I love such silence.
Everyone here is sleeping, including this dumb pig Jesse whom is beside me. But I'm not. Actually, I'm already awake from 12am+ until now. The clock's ticking, now is 4:10am and I'm still here, I can't sleep at all. I'm still having thoughts and memories of her, and there's a hard-to-tell feeling inside of me.
I wanted to sleep. I wanted to stop thinking about her, just for now. I wanted to get away from all these memories, just for now. They are haunting me every moment. But I can't seem to make them go away. And they just won't go away. How is that possible? What is actually wrong with my heart?
Here, I sit in darkness with the window on the right side overlooking the beautiful beyond-the-sky view. It's so amazing. It's so beautiful. But, this feeling is not amazing. It's not beautiful at all. How I keep on tellin' myself, why you are so hard to forget? Why you are always on my mind, no matter where am I, what am I doing?
Is this the so-called "Love Drunk"? Or is it that I'm just a little bit too not over you? I don't know, and at the same time I don't wish to know. Because I don't want to. I know you said that it's already over, but why is it in deep inside of me that I still do not want to give up on you? Tell me why, anybody? What is happening to me?
Why do I always pretend that I'm fine when you're around? Why do I always act like I'm just being my cool self when you're around? Why am I always forcing myself to act and pretend that I'm totally alright without you by my side when you're near? In truth, why am I even doing all these to show you? What all these has got to prove?
Why am I being cold to you when I'm not? Why am I being rude to you when I want to be polite with you? Why am I being my cool self when I'm with you? Do love always feel like a battlefield? Why is this even happening? Am I just being too blind that I bind my eyes to not see the truth of things? I know this is not gonna work but why am I still having high hopes?
Tell me why, I can't seem to get you out of my head? It's not going to work out for both of us anymore, and just why the heck I'm still praying and wishing for the opposite? Am I being stupid and blind? I can't seem to get over this, even though I said I can. Why am I even forcing and bluffing my ownself for things that I said I can do it, though I know I can't and I won't?
In truth, I don't want all these to just fade away. I don't want all these to go away. I don't want them to dissapear from my sight. I don't want to just leave me. I want them to stay, I want them to be with me. But how? It hurts me inside so strong whenever I think of them, and I've asked God is it wrong to do so? Why is this even hurting so bad?
I know this is over, it's over for us. But I can't let go, even though I said I'm fine with every decision that you've made. And now, I can't do it. I'm not that strong as you think. I'm not that positive as you think. I'm not that alright as you think. I'm not that "I can let it go easily" as you think. In truth, I'm totally NOT OKAY.
What is love, actually? Love is what? Yes, I totally agreed with you. Yes, love is a strange and funny thing. I admit it is. And I'd say, love is just like a cup of coffee. Coffee, it smells so damn good before drinking it. After you consumed them, you wanted to have more and more until you're satisfied. Once you ran out of coffee, you'll keep on having thoughts of having another cup of the same old damn coffee because you've already addicted to it.
I'd say, that this cup of coffee is just like you. I fell in love when I first saw you. I could'nt tell if this is really the "like" or the "love" but after I've got you, I wanted to have even more time with you. I don't want this to end, just like I don't want to finish my cup of coffee. Now that you're gone without a trace, I'm still sitting at the same old spot mesmerizing all the memories. Because I'm addicted. I'm addicted to you.
But, should I? Should I wait any more? I don't know. Yeah, it's already over and you've been saying that for so long but I can't do it. I can't get you out of my mind. What is wrong with me? Love drunk? Obsessed? Glue to you forever and ever? Babe, I'm not that strong as you might think I am. You are my second, and how come my heart can't take it anymore? Why is that so? I've been thinking for so long, and I can't seem to have the answers ready for me to tell.
It's been a sleepless night for me, but that's okay. I'm doing this, just for you. If you could feel me inside of you right here right now, how I wish that you'll be alright without me. And I know, you'll be fine without me. How much I'm missing you now, only God knows. Though I'm far away from you right now, know that my heart is always with you. Like it or not, I don't care. Because it's useless to tell you all these now. It's already over but can I forget about you?
Should be strong and I should be moving on, but I didn't think it'll be this hard to not think of you all the time. It's like, I have you in me all the time and you live in my mind now. You've became a permanent resident inside my heart. Why am I having this kind of feelings? Hell, how I wish I could get a perfect solution for this. If only you could feel me, I'll be more than happy.
Few moments more and I'll reach my desire destination. Promise me that you'll take good care of yourself. I know I can't concern you anymore than being like last time. We were always texting each other to see how things goes, but not anymore. I can't do that no more. What I only hope that you are okay. It's very cold here, and I bet it's even colder when I reach. But I'll always be warm when you are inside of me.
I've became weak and I just don't know how to face you from now on. I just don't know why. Things will never ever work out the same again, after what had happened. Take care, stay safe.
Everyone here is sleeping, including this dumb pig Jesse whom is beside me. But I'm not. Actually, I'm already awake from 12am+ until now. The clock's ticking, now is 4:10am and I'm still here, I can't sleep at all. I'm still having thoughts and memories of her, and there's a hard-to-tell feeling inside of me.
I wanted to sleep. I wanted to stop thinking about her, just for now. I wanted to get away from all these memories, just for now. They are haunting me every moment. But I can't seem to make them go away. And they just won't go away. How is that possible? What is actually wrong with my heart?
Here, I sit in darkness with the window on the right side overlooking the beautiful beyond-the-sky view. It's so amazing. It's so beautiful. But, this feeling is not amazing. It's not beautiful at all. How I keep on tellin' myself, why you are so hard to forget? Why you are always on my mind, no matter where am I, what am I doing?
Is this the so-called "Love Drunk"? Or is it that I'm just a little bit too not over you? I don't know, and at the same time I don't wish to know. Because I don't want to. I know you said that it's already over, but why is it in deep inside of me that I still do not want to give up on you? Tell me why, anybody? What is happening to me?
Why do I always pretend that I'm fine when you're around? Why do I always act like I'm just being my cool self when you're around? Why am I always forcing myself to act and pretend that I'm totally alright without you by my side when you're near? In truth, why am I even doing all these to show you? What all these has got to prove?
Why am I being cold to you when I'm not? Why am I being rude to you when I want to be polite with you? Why am I being my cool self when I'm with you? Do love always feel like a battlefield? Why is this even happening? Am I just being too blind that I bind my eyes to not see the truth of things? I know this is not gonna work but why am I still having high hopes?
Tell me why, I can't seem to get you out of my head? It's not going to work out for both of us anymore, and just why the heck I'm still praying and wishing for the opposite? Am I being stupid and blind? I can't seem to get over this, even though I said I can. Why am I even forcing and bluffing my ownself for things that I said I can do it, though I know I can't and I won't?
In truth, I don't want all these to just fade away. I don't want all these to go away. I don't want them to dissapear from my sight. I don't want to just leave me. I want them to stay, I want them to be with me. But how? It hurts me inside so strong whenever I think of them, and I've asked God is it wrong to do so? Why is this even hurting so bad?
I know this is over, it's over for us. But I can't let go, even though I said I'm fine with every decision that you've made. And now, I can't do it. I'm not that strong as you think. I'm not that positive as you think. I'm not that alright as you think. I'm not that "I can let it go easily" as you think. In truth, I'm totally NOT OKAY.
What is love, actually? Love is what? Yes, I totally agreed with you. Yes, love is a strange and funny thing. I admit it is. And I'd say, love is just like a cup of coffee. Coffee, it smells so damn good before drinking it. After you consumed them, you wanted to have more and more until you're satisfied. Once you ran out of coffee, you'll keep on having thoughts of having another cup of the same old damn coffee because you've already addicted to it.
I'd say, that this cup of coffee is just like you. I fell in love when I first saw you. I could'nt tell if this is really the "like" or the "love" but after I've got you, I wanted to have even more time with you. I don't want this to end, just like I don't want to finish my cup of coffee. Now that you're gone without a trace, I'm still sitting at the same old spot mesmerizing all the memories. Because I'm addicted. I'm addicted to you.
But, should I? Should I wait any more? I don't know. Yeah, it's already over and you've been saying that for so long but I can't do it. I can't get you out of my mind. What is wrong with me? Love drunk? Obsessed? Glue to you forever and ever? Babe, I'm not that strong as you might think I am. You are my second, and how come my heart can't take it anymore? Why is that so? I've been thinking for so long, and I can't seem to have the answers ready for me to tell.
It's been a sleepless night for me, but that's okay. I'm doing this, just for you. If you could feel me inside of you right here right now, how I wish that you'll be alright without me. And I know, you'll be fine without me. How much I'm missing you now, only God knows. Though I'm far away from you right now, know that my heart is always with you. Like it or not, I don't care. Because it's useless to tell you all these now. It's already over but can I forget about you?
Should be strong and I should be moving on, but I didn't think it'll be this hard to not think of you all the time. It's like, I have you in me all the time and you live in my mind now. You've became a permanent resident inside my heart. Why am I having this kind of feelings? Hell, how I wish I could get a perfect solution for this. If only you could feel me, I'll be more than happy.
Few moments more and I'll reach my desire destination. Promise me that you'll take good care of yourself. I know I can't concern you anymore than being like last time. We were always texting each other to see how things goes, but not anymore. I can't do that no more. What I only hope that you are okay. It's very cold here, and I bet it's even colder when I reach. But I'll always be warm when you are inside of me.
I've became weak and I just don't know how to face you from now on. I just don't know why. Things will never ever work out the same again, after what had happened. Take care, stay safe.
Thinkin' how the story goes,
I'm helpless and I'm wishin'.
put the film inside my mind,
but there's a big scene that I'm missin'.
As I reread my lines,
I think I said this, I should've said that.
Did you edit me out of your mind?
'Cause in a flash you were dissapear, gone.
Before the curtain falls,
and we act this out again.
Maybe I should risk it all and state.
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Travelin' down this road again,
got to make a few decisions.
Don't want you to feel this hurt again,
that's why I'm hopin' that you'll listen.
If you let me press rewind,
I'll rehearse every word, I should have said.
'Cause girl, I'm ready to make things right.
Here on the stage, so we can move on.
And before the curtain falls,
and we act this out again.
Missin' pieces of ourselves, so stay.
Things that I should have said,
like I appreciate the time that I spent with you.
Inspire me with the smile that I put on your pretty face,
it glows in me and my heart, and my world comes alive.
But, I'm unconditionally more than I'm officially yours anymore.
It's just too late for me to you.
How I wish I could turn this around,
because on day one I've known the stakes.
Time passes by every moment of truth,
that I keep on having sorry thoughts for you.
There's a million reasons for you to go,
but only if you could find a reason to stay.
I'm sorry.
I'm helpless and I'm wishin'.
put the film inside my mind,
but there's a big scene that I'm missin'.
As I reread my lines,
I think I said this, I should've said that.
Did you edit me out of your mind?
'Cause in a flash you were dissapear, gone.
Before the curtain falls,
and we act this out again.
Maybe I should risk it all and state.
**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Travelin' down this road again,
got to make a few decisions.
Don't want you to feel this hurt again,
that's why I'm hopin' that you'll listen.
If you let me press rewind,
I'll rehearse every word, I should have said.
'Cause girl, I'm ready to make things right.
Here on the stage, so we can move on.
And before the curtain falls,
and we act this out again.
Missin' pieces of ourselves, so stay.
Things that I should have said,
like I appreciate the time that I spent with you.
Inspire me with the smile that I put on your pretty face,
it glows in me and my heart, and my world comes alive.
But, I'm unconditionally more than I'm officially yours anymore.
It's just too late for me to you.
How I wish I could turn this around,
because on day one I've known the stakes.
Time passes by every moment of truth,
that I keep on having sorry thoughts for you.
There's a million reasons for you to go,
but only if you could find a reason to stay.
I'm sorry.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Break!
Nothing to write actually *LOL*!
Am having a simple lunch break with some of my work mates.
Gonna go offline. Buh-bye people!
Oh yeah, by the way though. Oh my God, Jesse! You made me Laugh Out Loud! Hahaha xD! Thanks for the so-called "gossip" or well, I would say it's a "joke"? Holy crap! You're just so damn funny! Thanks for making up my day dawg =D!
Nothing to write actually *LOL*!
Am having a simple lunch break with some of my work mates.
Gonna go offline. Buh-bye people!
Oh yeah, by the way though. Oh my God, Jesse! You made me Laugh Out Loud! Hahaha xD! Thanks for the so-called "gossip" or well, I would say it's a "joke"? Holy crap! You're just so damn funny! Thanks for making up my day dawg =D!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thanks to Jesse and Phoebe for giving me a great time yesterday night when we hang out together at a cafe.
谢谢你们for giving me a special约会.
Thanks for giving me moral, as well as love support and being a very patience cum good listeners of my problems. I really thank you guys for doing so. I'm touched and am glad to have you guys with me. I've never felt so relieved before.
I really appreciated what you guys have done for me. Really, thank you so much. Perhaps there are times too whenever if you guys need me to have a shoulder to cry on, I'm always there for you guys.
My heart-felt thanks goes to you, the beautiful matured-lookin' Jesse and the cutie little girl-next-door Phoebe.
谢谢你们for giving me a special约会.
Thanks for giving me moral, as well as love support and being a very patience cum good listeners of my problems. I really thank you guys for doing so. I'm touched and am glad to have you guys with me. I've never felt so relieved before.
I really appreciated what you guys have done for me. Really, thank you so much. Perhaps there are times too whenever if you guys need me to have a shoulder to cry on, I'm always there for you guys.
My heart-felt thanks goes to you, the beautiful matured-lookin' Jesse and the cutie little girl-next-door Phoebe.
Dead and Gone.
It never crossed my mind at all.
That's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
It's for the best.
I know it is but I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside.
Tell me why you're so hard to forget?
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth?
I'm just a little too not over you.
Aren't memories supposed to fade?
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go but I didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong.
Movin' on.
But I see you.
Maybe I regret everything I said.
But there's no way to take it all back.
Now I'm on my own, how I let you go?
I'll never understand, I'll never understand...
That's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
It's for the best.
I know it is but I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside.
Tell me why you're so hard to forget?
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth?
I'm just a little too not over you.
Aren't memories supposed to fade?
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go but I didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong.
Movin' on.
But I see you.
Maybe I regret everything I said.
But there's no way to take it all back.
Now I'm on my own, how I let you go?
I'll never understand, I'll never understand...
Monday, September 14, 2009
To you, it doesn't matter after all.
(1)当一个孤独的男孩经常对你厣厣一笑时,他已经喜欢上你了.
(2)每次和你在一起的时候,他会很沉默,明明牵着你的手,却一会看天一会看云,你会认为他不喜欢你.错了,此时他眼里只有你,只是他习惯了一个人的感觉.
(3)当你在也受不住沉默的时候,你提出分手.他没有忧郁一刻便答应了,你认为他是真的不爱你.错了,他只要幸福快乐,满足你所有欲望,所以宁可忍痛退出.
(4)他答应以后,便故作一点也不在乎的,漫无经心的走掉了.但是你永远也不会知道他心里是多么难过,也许这是他真的知道世界上有一种感觉叫欲哭无泪.
(5)分手后,他每次走过你身边,都会显得更无所谓.但是你不会知道,当你转身只后,他会静静望着你的背影偷偷留泪.
(6)就在你终于知道他是多么爱你并且你也仍爱着他的情况下,你去他的廎室找他,推开门,他正在椅在床上默默叹气,你走进他,他却顾也不顾的一把把你抱住,你笑了,这时却觉得衣襟湿湿的,你永远也不会知道,你的这个笑容,是他用多少不绵的泪夜换来的.
(2)每次和你在一起的时候,他会很沉默,明明牵着你的手,却一会看天一会看云,你会认为他不喜欢你.错了,此时他眼里只有你,只是他习惯了一个人的感觉.
(3)当你在也受不住沉默的时候,你提出分手.他没有忧郁一刻便答应了,你认为他是真的不爱你.错了,他只要幸福快乐,满足你所有欲望,所以宁可忍痛退出.
(4)他答应以后,便故作一点也不在乎的,漫无经心的走掉了.但是你永远也不会知道他心里是多么难过,也许这是他真的知道世界上有一种感觉叫欲哭无泪.
(5)分手后,他每次走过你身边,都会显得更无所谓.但是你不会知道,当你转身只后,他会静静望着你的背影偷偷留泪.
(6)就在你终于知道他是多么爱你并且你也仍爱着他的情况下,你去他的廎室找他,推开门,他正在椅在床上默默叹气,你走进他,他却顾也不顾的一把把你抱住,你笑了,这时却觉得衣襟湿湿的,你永远也不会知道,你的这个笑容,是他用多少不绵的泪夜换来的.
I told you that I'm truly sorry and I apologized for everything that I've caused, but did you accept my sincere apology? No. I'm not here saying that I'm forcing you to do so but, did you? And in truth, I'm not trying to get you to pity, understand, forgive or even, love me back. Not a chance at all. This is exactly all my thoughts and current feelings that I'm running through now. And please don't say that I just want to make myself feel better, and I want to blame you or anything. Not a chance in my entire life. I wrote all these, it's bullshits to you but it's diamonds to me. If you think that I'm trying to say all these incidents happened is because of you, then you are wrong. I've never ever want your apology and will ever I've never want you to do or feel anything at all either. Because I'll never know what the future brings. I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand. If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
'cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away. And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. 'cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right. And though I don't know whether I will be with you. And like it or not, know my heart is by your side.
Why do you forward me this if ever you had already knew? I'm not gonna blame it on you anymore. As I say it again and again, it's never the real truth that's too far from you. You'll never know. I want you to know, it doesn't matter. Where we take this road, someone's gotta go. And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone. You told me it's over, it's not going to work out right anymore and you are tired of my everything. Your "tired" of me made me speechless, made me helpless and made me even felt hopeless.
你永远都不可能知道你那一小个"累了 / 真的好累"对我来说是有着多大的打击，多么的困扰。You'll never know. But it's alright. I can truly understand. I won't make you feel guilty or anything. Am I crazy for falling in love with you, or is it really just another crush? Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized. Are you holding back like the way I do? 'cause I've tried and tried to walk away, but I know this crush ain't going away.
So, here goes. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong. So I'm gone, I'm already gone. Here, I'm gone.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Is it just me or are you just heartless? Why are you so cold and not understanding? You used to be good in this, but why? You've changed... you've changed alot. You are somewhat like a poison devil-cum-angel now. It could give you great imaginations when you look at it, but after you consume it and before you could realize, it turned you into something else... something just not the way that you used to be.
It's like... you are not the one that I used to know anymore. You've changed alot in just that minor of time. I'm sorry but, I'll have to follow what you said months ago because I'm feeling exactly the same.
是否 不能回到从前？
是否 一切都已结束？
可不可以 回到从前？
可不可以 不要结束？
我对你的爱
没有时差
没有距离
没有局限
你要我怎么释怀？
爱情 是一场意外 吗？
现在，只剩下我一人坐在冷冷的空间里...
看着你越走越远...
你的心，去了哪里？
爱我的心，还在吗？
爱上你，我并不意外...
可是，现在的结局，让我很意外...
你走的那天，
我决定不掉泪，
迎着风撑着眼帘,
用力不眨眼。
多谢你的绝情，
让我学会死心...
But... should I really say this? I'm still having that unbeatable feelings for you and even, I cried just because of you. Is it the so-called "crocodile's tears" that I'm dropping right now? Hell, I don't think so. Could anyone really know and guess what I'm thinking deep inside of me? Could anyone hear my prayers? Why am I even crying, if its never even worth it anymore?
到现在,我还是很坚持的守护着我们的爱情...
I know you said that we're done, we're over, things will not work out anymore but...
除非，你不爱了...
I know that you said just yet, we could never be the same again. And I said, nothing will ever be the same again. Should I sit here, mesmerize every precious memories and just, wait? Just like you, if I'm done with you I would never wait for you. I would never even blog it out. I would never even send you messages to try confronting you. But... am I just a little too late now? Is it just too little too late? I need an answer, just a simple one. Not from you, because I knew you wouldn't want to repeat and repeat anymore. But from God...
I never thought that I was so blind, and I could finally see the truth. You could never imagine that you are always in my mind every night. But it is just too far a real truth for you. You will not know and realize. Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. Even with our fists held high, it would've never worked out right. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see, because you've seen mine too much of a fact that you are tired of my everything now.
People always told me and give me advices that it's never too late to do anything. If you ever have the courage, faith and confidence within you, nothing can stop you from achieving what your heart desires. But this? How am I supposed to take it back to normal? To where I want it to be? To where it supposed to be? To like, nothing had ever happened? I can't turn this around no more. I know what's at stake but I don't have the energy to do it no more, moreover even without love support. This broken heart is damaged. There's a million reasons for you to go, but if you could find a reason to stay? But, will you? Are you willing to? I've learn to trust nothing and no one, and only time will lead me for the rest of my life. Like it or not, trusting time is the only way that's gotta be.
糊掉的眼线...
What I've said and what I've told you, I've already did. Those that you can understand, thank you babe. For those that you won't be able or even, will not understand then just leave it wrong because I've already ran out of idea to even trying to fix them up. In the end, the hardest thing for me to say seems to be goodbye. But, do I have choices? What more can I do? Nothing. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
我的灵魂，剩下空洞的悲哀...
It's like... you are not the one that I used to know anymore. You've changed alot in just that minor of time. I'm sorry but, I'll have to follow what you said months ago because I'm feeling exactly the same.
是否 不能回到从前？
是否 一切都已结束？
可不可以 回到从前？
可不可以 不要结束？
我对你的爱
没有时差
没有距离
没有局限
你要我怎么释怀？
爱情 是一场意外 吗？
现在，只剩下我一人坐在冷冷的空间里...
看着你越走越远...
你的心，去了哪里？
爱我的心，还在吗？
爱上你，我并不意外...
可是，现在的结局，让我很意外...
你走的那天，
我决定不掉泪，
迎着风撑着眼帘,
用力不眨眼。
多谢你的绝情，
让我学会死心...
But... should I really say this? I'm still having that unbeatable feelings for you and even, I cried just because of you. Is it the so-called "crocodile's tears" that I'm dropping right now? Hell, I don't think so. Could anyone really know and guess what I'm thinking deep inside of me? Could anyone hear my prayers? Why am I even crying, if its never even worth it anymore?
到现在,我还是很坚持的守护着我们的爱情...
I know you said that we're done, we're over, things will not work out anymore but...
除非，你不爱了...
I know that you said just yet, we could never be the same again. And I said, nothing will ever be the same again. Should I sit here, mesmerize every precious memories and just, wait? Just like you, if I'm done with you I would never wait for you. I would never even blog it out. I would never even send you messages to try confronting you. But... am I just a little too late now? Is it just too little too late? I need an answer, just a simple one. Not from you, because I knew you wouldn't want to repeat and repeat anymore. But from God...
I never thought that I was so blind, and I could finally see the truth. You could never imagine that you are always in my mind every night. But it is just too far a real truth for you. You will not know and realize. Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. Even with our fists held high, it would've never worked out right. Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see, because you've seen mine too much of a fact that you are tired of my everything now.
People always told me and give me advices that it's never too late to do anything. If you ever have the courage, faith and confidence within you, nothing can stop you from achieving what your heart desires. But this? How am I supposed to take it back to normal? To where I want it to be? To where it supposed to be? To like, nothing had ever happened? I can't turn this around no more. I know what's at stake but I don't have the energy to do it no more, moreover even without love support. This broken heart is damaged. There's a million reasons for you to go, but if you could find a reason to stay? But, will you? Are you willing to? I've learn to trust nothing and no one, and only time will lead me for the rest of my life. Like it or not, trusting time is the only way that's gotta be.
糊掉的眼线...
What I've said and what I've told you, I've already did. Those that you can understand, thank you babe. For those that you won't be able or even, will not understand then just leave it wrong because I've already ran out of idea to even trying to fix them up. In the end, the hardest thing for me to say seems to be goodbye. But, do I have choices? What more can I do? Nothing. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
我的灵魂，剩下空洞的悲哀...
Friday, September 11, 2009
Just having a moody and boring day, I guess. There was this Spider Man 3 on the TV just now. I begun watching the another half part until the end. Actually I've watched that movie before, for like I think 3 times? Hell, I can't recall at all. But it has got great story line and plot, though. Kinda action-nise and romantic too. There's one part which, I cried because of it. I guess that part could relate to what I'm going through now. Pretty much, though.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
I'm still sitting here, doing nothing but mesmerize every single precious memories. I don't know if ever, I'm worth to do that because... well I just don't know how to say. It's rather complicated to tell what's even bothering me from the very deep inside of my heart. I knew it's something about relationship, but am I even worth it to, well you know, sit and wait? ... I don't know. I can't just put it all aside and pretend that nothing had ever happened, you know? Look on the bright side of things? Hell yeah, how I wish I could do that easily. If, just time will go back again? Things just back to where I want, or even if ever you want it to be too? Not gonna happen because you said so? This hard-to-tell feeling inside is suffocating and is killing me, big time.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
I'm still sitting here, doing nothing but mesmerize every single precious memories. I don't know if ever, I'm worth to do that because... well I just don't know how to say. It's rather complicated to tell what's even bothering me from the very deep inside of my heart. I knew it's something about relationship, but am I even worth it to, well you know, sit and wait? ... I don't know. I can't just put it all aside and pretend that nothing had ever happened, you know? Look on the bright side of things? Hell yeah, how I wish I could do that easily. If, just time will go back again? Things just back to where I want, or even if ever you want it to be too? Not gonna happen because you said so? This hard-to-tell feeling inside is suffocating and is killing me, big time.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high, it never would've worked out right. We were never meant for do or die.
I didn't want us to burn out, I didn't come here to hold you. Now I can't stop.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Where we take this road someone's gotta go. And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on so I'm already gone.
Looking at you makes it harder, but I know that you'll find another. That doesn't always make you want to cry. Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.
I didn't want us to burn out, I didn't come here to hold you. Now I can't stop.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Where we take this road someone's gotta go. And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on so I'm already gone.
Looking at you makes it harder, but I know that you'll find another. That doesn't always make you want to cry. Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.
Without you.
When I think of all my sorrow and I had you there, but then I let you go. And now it's only fair that I should let you know, what you should know.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Already gone.
I never thought that I was so blind, I can finally see the truth. It's me for you. Tonight you can't imagine that I'm by your side, 'cause it's never gonna be the truth too far for you.
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.
If I could see the future and how this plays out, I bet it's better than where we are now. But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why.
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go.
If I could see the future and how this plays out, I bet it's better than where we are now. But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I wanna.
Have you ever had to talk to the person you loved most, tell them it's gonna be alright, when you know it's not?
I certainly do.
I certainly do.
Available?
Is this already over? Hell, I have no freaking idea at all. Don't ask me about it, and don't try to get the answers from me. Because for Christ's sake, I have hell of an idea. I'd better be myself, just for the sake of you.
I guess I'll just have to maintain my so-called "blur-ness" for now. Yeah, it's stupid but what can I do? Teach me? Educate me? Advise me? Lol... I don't know. You don't seem to care anymore and from that road onwards, I've lost my soul.
Is it just me or are you just heartless? I told 'ya, I have no idea at all. I really do not know. But yet, I don't really wish to know. Because I know you won't be telling anyway. You just have to keep all that to yourself, perhaps?
Such a bothering matter, but I can't do anything about it. Use of force is not allowed in this, and for that I won't be doing to satisfy only myself. Oh well, I just can't take it. My heart is racing like mad, and the feelings just keeps on spinnin' out. Oh well, I'm guessing you won't be able to understand.
Let it be then, let it be.
I guess I'll just have to maintain my so-called "blur-ness" for now. Yeah, it's stupid but what can I do? Teach me? Educate me? Advise me? Lol... I don't know. You don't seem to care anymore and from that road onwards, I've lost my soul.
Is it just me or are you just heartless? I told 'ya, I have no idea at all. I really do not know. But yet, I don't really wish to know. Because I know you won't be telling anyway. You just have to keep all that to yourself, perhaps?
Such a bothering matter, but I can't do anything about it. Use of force is not allowed in this, and for that I won't be doing to satisfy only myself. Oh well, I just can't take it. My heart is racing like mad, and the feelings just keeps on spinnin' out. Oh well, I'm guessing you won't be able to understand.
Let it be then, let it be.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Paramore?
Ignorance is your new best friend.
Teehehehe... xD!
Anyway, happy birthday to my big brother Jason! :D
Teehehehe... xD!
Anyway, happy birthday to my big brother Jason! :D
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